Should Have Known Better

By 23, there are things I should know better, especially when it comes to my body. I should know how it works and how it reacts to certain things, I shouldn't end up spending the night in the hospital because of something I should know better.
Here's how it went down.
Friday morning, I get a text from one of my BFFs, asking if I wanted to go for drinks. She's had a tough week, and she also wanted to check in with me, because last weekend I found out that one of my clients passed away. So out we went, it was a beautiful Friday night and we found a pub on Bloor St. where the front windows opened garage-door style. We got a table right near the street, so we drank and ate and talked and people-watched for hours until the guy she is seeing showed up. At that point, I was already tipsy. I don't drink too much and I am on medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance, so I have a really low tolerance. So, when the boy showed up, I was already tipsy, and he then proceeded to order us drinks and shots. We made friends with the couple at the table next to us, and generally had a really good time. I usually keep myself sober enough to take transit home, because I live an hour's ride by transit away from downtown. That night, I knew that taking transit by myself would be a bad idea. I have never been that drunk before in my life. I texted friends on the way home to keep myself from passing out. I finally made it home, puked a few times, took a gravol and stumbled into my bed.
Now, I should explain why this is an extra bad idea for me. We believe that I have what's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I've had this since I was a young teen, the first time I remember it happening was in grade 10. Often it comes when I am nervous or stressed out, it has happened before when I've eaten foods that disagree with me as well. It's never happened before because of drinking, mostly because I usually keep myself in check. Basically, what happens is that I start throwing up, usually early morning, and I keep throwing up, for hours and hours, even when there isn't anything left in my stomach to throw up. It turns into dry heaving and I heave and heave for hours upon hours. Once before, I had to go to the hospital, but usually my Grandpa (a doctor) orders me a perscription of injectable gravol that Mom (a former nurse) gives to me. After an injection or two of gravol, I usually calm down and am able to stop puking, but it can take me days to really recover, because it wears me out. It hasn't happened now for almost 2 years, and it has never happened when I am so far away from home.
I woke up at 8:00 on Saturday morning and the vomiting started. Luckily, I have a cousin who lives in the same city and has helped me deal with the vomiting before, and she was able to come over and help nurse me. I don't think I could have made it through this on my own. By 6 at night, I was still vomiting and not able to keep anything inside of me, so we decided I had to go to the hospital. After what seemed like forever, I was admitted and given fluids and 3 bags of anti-nauseants before I settled down. By 5am, I was feeling better and able to keep fluids down, so my cousin took me home.
We slept all day today, with me waking up to call in to work and every once in a while drink some ginger ale and eat some crackers. My cousin went home late afternoon, and since then I've been home alone, nursing fluids and trying to make myself eat regularly.
Usually I love living by myself, but when I get sick, I hate it. I get so terribly home sick. I hate having to bother friends to come over to help me, but at the same time, I can hardly take care of myself.
But, I should have known better. I need to remember that I am not invincible and that I cannot possibly drink that much, especially when I live by myself and have no one to take care of me.
I am feeling better now, but I not only missed an incredibly beautiful weekend, I missed 2 days of work so far, and I had to cancel my interview for full-time at the shelter. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Same as it Ever Was

Do you ever stop where you are and wonder how the heck you ended up there?
As in, if somebody had told you a few years back that you would be in that scenario, you would have laughed at them?
I felt like that a lot during Mom's fight with cancer. Sitting in the hospital waiting room during surgery, driving Mom to chemo, dealing with Mom's tubes and wires in her hospital room... I looked at my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the fact that I never expected that I would be there in that situation, and I never expected I would be able to deal with it as well as I did.
I guess you don't know what you can handle until you're in that situation.
I find that a lot at work. When I was visiting Mom in the hospital, I was telling the nurse about my job, and Mom said that if you had told her two years ago I would be living in Toronto working with street youth, she never would have believed it. You know... if you had told me two years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I would have laughed in your face.
It happens a lot at work, especially when I am dealing with the mental health and the crises that develop... when a kid got stabbed, when fights break out, when a girl comes in completely naked and I have to spend at least 10 minutes talking her into getting re-dressed, when I have to deal with bed bugs, and disgusting rooms and various bodily fluids, when I get sworn at, and yelled at, when I get told too much information about their sex lives... I find myself pausing and thinking "how did I get here?" At first, it was unnerving, being somewhere so out of my element, now I just laugh it off.
I'm a sheltered girl from a small town. J-walking scares me... I grew up on a gravel road. Whenever we would go to Toronto on family trips, Dad would lock the car doors before we got into city limits, likely afraid that a man with a squeegee would jump inside and mug as at gunpoint or we'd get shot up in the middle of a gang war. That's what happens in big cities, right? I was discussing how I grew up with one of my co-workers after work the other day, and she turned to look at me, and asked "Erin, how did you end up here?" Now, she knows the story of how I ended up here, my botched plans for teacher's college after university, and we went to our Child and Youth Work program together, so she knows about all of that... That's not what she meant. I told her truthfully that some days I don't even know.
Luck? Chance? Divine intervention? I don't know. Was it meant to be, or did I just luck out by ending up somewhere I like? Maybe it was completely random. If one little factor of my life had gone a different way, I could be living somewhere completely different, doing something completely different.
That scares me a little. I don't like the idea that my life is arbitrarily decided by chance... I'd much rather think that I am here because it's where I'm supposed to be. I like the idea that I've been brought somewhere that frequently forces me to deal with difficult situations, but I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it.
What about you? Do you ever stop and wonder how you ended up where you are? Has your life taken a clear path to where you are today, or has it been a journey of twists and turns? Is it chance and luck, or is there some sort of plan behind the path your life takes?

What a Woman!

Alright, y'all need to watch this video with Mississauga (it's right next to Toronto) mayor Hazel McCallion. She's 88 years old and she's been mayor since 1978. 1978!! That's longer than my parents have been married! It's 7 years longer than I've been alive! The woman is incredible! I hope I'm still even half as active as she is when I'm her age. Check out the video:

All this breathing in, never breathing out...

Hey! Remember when I told y'all I was going to see Ben Folds?
Well, I did! Last night!!


That guy! Yeah! I think he's a hottie. I had a big plan that involved getting close enough to pet him... heavily. But it was packed up close to the stage and I figured that heavily petting Ben Folds might get me kicked out and/or arrested, so I decided I would be better off enjoying the show.

Here we are, waiting in anticipation... there were two openers, a band called Miniature Tigers and an acapella choir from York University that did amazing versions of Ben Folds' "Underground", a Sarah Slean song, and "Don't Stop Believing." Beforehand he played some "bad spa music" due to his interview on CBC radio earlier in the day and the controversy that has follwed it.
And after what seemed like FOREVER, Ben came! These are MY pictures, which explains why they are kind of crappy, and you can see the head of the stupidly tall guy who was RIGHT in my way, but still, it's Ben Folds.



He sang sooooo many songs that I love. I mean, it's hard not to love any Ben Folds song, but he sang a lot of the oldies - Landed (my fave Ben Folds song EVER), Army, Philosophy, Zak and Sara, Kate, Annie Waits, Fair, etc. He also did quite a few of the songs from his new album, which are awesome, like You Don't Know Me, Bitch Went Nuts, Dr. Yang, Kylie from Connecticut, Hiroshima, Effington... I could go on.
He's an incredible live performer! He does amazing things with that piano, he takes audience requests, he interacts with the audience, he got us involved in singing parts... I don't even know what else to say, it was just plain awesome.
If you're even a little bit of a Ben Folds fan, I'd recommend you go see him live ASAP

My Own Personal Saga (minus the vampires)

Remember this? Weeks ago I ordered this purse, with overnight shipping. I was so excited for it. Those of you who follow me on Twitter have heard about it every step of the way, but just in case you don't follow me on Twitter, here's what went down:
January 14 - Order the purse from Matt & Nat, blog about how excited I am. Overnight shipping wasn't that much more than regular shipping (as in, a matter of cents difference) so I went for it, expecting the purse to arrive by January 16th at the latest.
January 16 - No purse. The tracking website says there is an exception and it should come Monday. I know I won't be home Monday or Tuesday, but figure they will leave a yellow sticky note at my building so I can go pick it up.
January 21 - No sticky note, no purse, no update on the tracking website. I decide to call UPS. They tell me they don't know where it is, because it has not been scanned since it left Quebec, tell me I have to call the company who sent it to have them track it. I call Matt & Nat, they are super helpful and put a track on it, telling me they will call me when they hear from UPS where my purse is.
January 27 - Matt & Nat calls back, says UPS still hasn't found it, but they will call me as soon as they do.
January 28 - My purse was returned by UPS to the Matt & Nat warehouse in Quebec, Matt & Nat tells me they will send it again.
January 30 - The tracker website says they attempted delivery, but I had been home all day and no one had contacted me. I do not have a working buzzer on my building, so I left a note for UPS to call me when they get there and I will meet them. Matt & Nat, who has been in contact with me the whole time via e-mail, says I had better call UPS and see if that will effect delivery. I call UPS, and they tell me that the drivers do not have cell phones and so can't call me. What?? What sort of 21st century company doesn't have cell phones? The pizza delivery guys can call me when they get here, but UPS can't? I am pissed. The UPS lady on the phone asks if I have a concierge or something along those lines, but I live in sketchville and nobody near me has a concierge, so that will not work. I am close to telling her that I will sit outside the building to wait for it, but I have standards. So she suggests that they could hold the package and I could go pick it up. I say sure, I have a car, that's easy to do. Then she informs me that the UPS building that serves my area is at Jane and Steeles. What??? That is nowhere near my area! I live along the lake on the bottom of Toronto, and the UPS building is literally along the border where the top end of Toronto meets Vaughn. At that point I said fine, I would go pick it up, because there were really no other options and my purse was supposed to come two weeks ago.
January 31 - Dropped my little sister off at the airport, was feeling sad about not going anywhere and saw a perfect Matt & Nat bag at Winners that looks like this, only made of linen with darker pleather trimming, and may or may not have purchased it (I love it! It holds my stuff for work PERFECTLY).
February 2 - Got in the car, drove for about an hour across the city, and finally got my purse! Here it is, in all of it's glory (and the glory of my beautiful loveseat):


Ta-da! It's more of a dressy purse, and I have moved my stuff into it to use for my interview tomorrow at the shelter. I think I'll use the linen one for everyday work stuff, and the new one for dressier events. Perfect!!
And thus the saga ends. No vampires or romance, but a beautiful purse (or two) to call my own!

Life Isn't Fair...

In two days, my sister will be leaving to go to school in Australia for a semester. After a short visit to New Zealand, she will be living in Brisbane. That means she will be here:

Image from here.

While I am stuck here:

Image from here.

Yeah, completely not fair.

'Cause You Might Die Trying

I love this song. Not just because it's Dave, also for the idea behind it.

To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all.

Once you get your gate,
You will walk in tall.
You said you never did,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
Cause you---

If you close your eyes,
Cause the house is on fire.
Think you couldn't move,
Until the fire dies.
The things you never did,
Oh, Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
You'd be as good as dead,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.

If you give, you, you begin to live.
If you give, you begin to live.
You begin, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to give
You get get the world, you get the world.
If you give, you get to give.

You might die trying.
Oh, you might die trying.
Yeah, you might die trying.

The things you never did,
Cause you might die trying;
You'd be as good as dead.
You never did.

It's hard to do something to make change, but if you don't take the risk nothing will happen at all, right?
I love the idea of making a difference and changing the world, but usually when the opportunity to really do something, even something little, comes along, I freeze up and do nothing. I mean, I help people because it's my job when I'm at the shelter, but outside of work I never go out of my way to help people. I need to stop freezing and going on with my day, doing nothing.

I was riding the streetcar to work today. It was freezing outside and starting to snow. At one point, a homeless man hopped on through the back doors without paying, carrying a garbage bag full of cans. His slightly odd behaviour struck me as potentially schizophrenic, and so I got my guard up like I usually do around people with mental health issues on public transit (not without reason, I've seen a few scary incidents). Sitting on a chair was a leather glove that everyone else who got on had ignored. The homeless man grabbed it and tried it on, appearing thrilled that he would now have a warm hand. After a while, a homeless woman got on. They greeted each other and she sat down near him (in front of me). He then told her about his glove, and offered it to her. She declined, saying she was already too hot, but I was really touched by the gesture. This man who clearly didn't have very many things to call his own and who spent his time outside collecting bottles in the cold without proper winter attire, was willing to give away his newfound glove to somebody else who might need it more than he did. He was willing to try and make a difference and help somebody else. Meanwhile, I sat there with my hat and two gloves and scarf and iPod and just observed.

Underemployment Plans

Now that I'm done school and a real working girl, I have a bit more free time. Okay, that's a lie. Now that my only job is relief work, I'm discovering that I have a lot more free time. It's only my second day off this week and I'm already bored stiff.
I'm still looking for another job (either a full time job or a second part time job), but I'm taking my time, playing it by ear. I want to see how much work I get at the shelter before I look for something else.
In the meantime, I need things to occupy my time. There are a few things that I know for sure I need to do, and a few other ideas I've been thinking about but am undecided on. And, because everybody likes lists, here are my thoughts on things I can do outside of work to occupy my time, in list form:

• Cleaning the apartment, and not just average cleaning, but hardcore cleaning - that way I can keep on top of it for the rest of the year, a la my New Year's Resolution. Yes, this includes the closets and ALL of the laundry.
  
• Finding my local library branch, getting a Toronto library card, and reading, reading, reading - for free! This will help with that other resolution.
• Training the cat to use the toilet rather than the litter box. Yes, I'm aware that this is basically a pipe dream, but I'm still considering it.
• Catching up on the episodes of Pushing Daisies that I have waiting for me to watch on my computer.
• Going for walks daily, bringing my camera, and taking pictures. I'm considering taking part in Project 365.
• Joining some type of exercise group or class. Taking yoga, dance, swimming, joining an organized sport... I'm not sure which. Any ideas?
• Being more artistic: printmaking, painting, photography, etc - just do more of it.
• Taking some sort of art and/or crafts class. Know of any good / inexpensive ones in the GTA?
• Learn to sew, with a machine, meaning I need to procure a sewing machine somehow.
• Borrowing my little sister's Game Cube that she does not use, kicking butt in the games.
• Writing thank you notes to the older generation of my family for my Christmas gifts. I have the cards, I just have to sit down and do it.

Have any ideas to add to my list? Any suggestions? Help me out here guys, I'm going stir crazy!

"Rock and roll is - and should be - a kid's place."

Guess who I'm going to see in concert on February 17th at the Kool Haus in Toronto...


Ben Folds!! Ben F*ing Folds!! (The post title is a Ben Folds quote, btw)

That's right, this Ben Folds:


... and this Ben Folds:


Not only am I going to see THAT Ben Folds, but I am going with some of my favourite kids from our camp years!
February 17th cannot come fast enough!!

A Nice Year

Over at Operation NICE they have NICE Assignments from time to time, and I really liked the idea behind this one:

Today's Assignment: Celebrate 2008!
I know how you folks are a bunch o' list-makers out there, so let's try it one last time this year. I want you to make a list of all the wonderful things that you've done or have happened to you in the last 12 months. It could be events you attended or awards you received or priceless moments that will help you recall 2008 with great fondness. Or maybe even silly things that might seem trivial to someone else! (e.g. Buying a Wii is totally on my list!) Either way, the more items, the more smiles you'll find!

Here is my list of 2008:

• Going on a cruise with my family to ring in the New Year - getting to explore Carribbean islands and relax on tropical beaches
• Surviving the bus crash
• Getting close to the fantastic people in my CYW class
• Using tools to make and open drinks with Stace, more than once
• Cousinly weekends with a St Patty's Day parade
• Going to the ROM and taking silly pictures there with Stace
  
• Thunder Kitty's first birthday
• Movie dates with Stace
  
• DMB CONCERT
• Getting to spend time at home in the summer with Mom relaxing on the porch in between camps
• The drives to and from HD camp in the summer, cruising with the windows down and the music up
  
• Finding a placement that I really loved
• Growing closer with my family during tough times
• Weekends with the camp girls - multiple
  
• Nuit Blanche avec Mel
• Starting to blog again and the wonderful new bloggy friends I have met
• My 23rd Birthday and Thanksgiving
  
• MOM BEATING CANCER!!
• The support from my family and friends I have received throughout the cancer ordeal
• The Twilight Saga (nerd alert!)
• Finding the courage to take a shot on the online dating thing
  
• Reuniting with first year roomie
• Spending Christmas with my family
• Finishing my CYW program (with honours, I might add!)
• Getting a job at the placement I loved
• Learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I was
• Feeling that I am kinda sorta grown up, living and working on my own in the big city
• Becoming more self aware and self reflective as well as more self confident
  

I think writing this list was important. The events that have happened this year were pretty sucky at times, so much so that my family and I have been joking that 2008 was pretty much the worst year ever. But even though so pretty major bad things happened, a lot of good things still happened. And, I suppose, if those bad things had to happen, I'm glad they happened the way they did. Not only was it the best possible outcome for all events, but it also showed me that I have family and friends there to always support me, and that I am much stronger than I thought.
So, thanks, 2008, you were tough, but we made it. Here's to an easier 2009, with some things changing and others staying the same. Wait and see I guess!

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

So, it's been a long week. The end is near and everything is due for school. And then there's that pesky little problem of trying to find a job. My sleep schedule sucks, as in, I have done nothing but sleep and work at placement.

I can't say too much about it due to confidentiality, but one of my clients was stabbed on Monday. In the mouth. Poor guy. He's okay now though, swollen and stitched up. And the guys who did it were former clients - people I worked with, laughed with, ate dinner with... It's hard to believe that people you have spent time with are capable of such violent acts. Shook me up a little... it was the first time I have actually not felt completely safe with my clients.

To lighten up my week though, I got to bring clients to see The Sound of Music Musical, for free!

It was fantastic! I've always loved the movie, and although a few things were switched around from the movie storyline, I was still quite pleased. The set was amazing, the technology used to make the different scenes just blew me away. The kids were ADORABLE and very very good in their roles. My only major issue with the musical is that if you had never seen the movie, you would have been surprised that Maria and Captain Von Trapp hook up, as the build up to their relationship is basically non-existent. Otherwise, though, the play was beautifully done and I would highly recommend you all go see it if you have a chance!

Baby, It's Cold Outside

Today was the Toronto Santa Claus Parade! My room mate from first year university and her boyfriend came up and we met up with my cousin downtown near the parade start. We made it there around 11, the parade didn't start until 12:30. It was max 2 degree Celsius, and we couldn't move for fear someone would snag our sweet spot. Also, halfway through the parade, it began to snow, not just light snow, like a wet snow blizzard. I bet it looked nice on tv, not so nice to be in. It was worth the cold, I think, even though I was fairly certain all of my joints were freezing up and therefore I would never move again. It was pretty exciting to see the parade, as I used to watch it on tv growing up every year. Although, there were no dressed up goats like we used to have in our hometown parade every year (BEST.PART.EVER.). I don't have pictures yet, and I was going to wait to post about the parade until I got them, but I needed a NaBloPoMo post today, so there we go.
It's still snowing a bit, which is nice for me now that I am inside looking out.

It Only Took Me a Week...

When everything Christmas started to go up immediately after Halloween, I was less than enthused. Wayyy too early, I thought. But I'm changing my mind. I think the getting ready for Christmas is what makes November exciting, rather than cold and dreary. It's the anticipation of things to come. And living in Toronto makes the Christmas season especially exciting...


The Christmas windows have been put up at The Bay on the corner of Queen and Yonge. I haven't had the chance to go see them up close (and the picture is from last year), but I can guarantee that they will be fantastic. I remember, during university, we came to Toronto on a bus trip to see a musical, and the "The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe" windows just took my breath away. I have been excited for the windows ever since.
And on Yonge Street, the Christmas lights have been put up, so when I go on break from placement, I get to walk under these stars. It is especially pretty in the area I have my placement, because there are trees in the divider in the middle of the road that are also covered in lights. It makes me happy to work the evening shift.

Soon soon soon, if not already, the Swarvsky tree will be put up in the Eaton Centre. They were getting the base ready for it when I was there last Saturday. Last year, 2 cousins and I went to the Eaton Centre shopping one evening, and ahead in the distance I noticed the tree. One of my cousins absolutely loves Christmas, so I made her walk towards the tree with her eyes closed until we got up close enough to get the perfect view - and she almost peed she was so excited. The entire tree is covered in Swarvsky crystal ornaments, and the entire thing rotates and the ornaments catch the light perfectly, it is beautiful!

And, this Sunday, it is the Santa Claus Parade! I grew up watching the parade on tv, and so last year when I could actually see it in person, I was thrilled. It is big and crowded and terribly impressive. I love Christmas parades. I went to the one on my hometown with my family every year growing up. When I lived in London for university, I made my friends go with me to see it there. And now, I'm making friends come to the Toronto one with me! I couldn't be more excited for it!!

Any thoughts from you out there? Is it too early for Christmas, or does it help you get through November? What are your favourite Christmas events?

I am SO Close to Being a Crazy Cat Lady

I've seen this on a few blogs, and today on My Life In a Nutshell. As I am thoroughly committed to NaBloPoMo, but it's Friday and I feel spent (I napped today... I never nap!), so I am going to post a meme.

Go to your Pictures folder on your computer, pick the fourth folder within the main folder, and then the fourth photo. Post and explain the picture.


Luckily, this isn't as embarrassing as I expected it to be. Still, it proves that I am aboard the train right to Crazy-Cat-Lady-ville, as I am home on a Friday night blogging about my cat.
This is Thunder Kitty. He is sitting inside of my lap top bag, because he's always getting into silly situations and finding crazy places to hang out that he thinks are comfortable. He is a year and a half right now, but in the picture he's about 6 months. So little!! I thought he was a big guy then, but now, at 15lbs, he wouldn't even fit in that lap top bag. I inherited Thunder Kitty after a co-worker brought him from her neighbour's barn to live with us for the summer at camp. Unfortunately, he was a mean kitty, and I was the only one who actually liked him, thus I adopted him when camp finished and I moved to Toronto. Half of my family is highly allergic to cats, so needless to say, he was not necessarily the most popular family member. Now, though, he's grown on them (with the exception of my sister, who will not admit that she likes him... actually she will not admit that she doesn't hate him). Since his kitten days, he's calmed down a lot and become a lot friendlier. Still, he's never been a cuddley kitten, so I completely love it the rare moments when he does cuddle with me. I love this cat crazy amounts, and I don't know how I would have survived living all alone in the big city without him. He is the closest thing to a boyfriend, sadly, and I have had to restrain myself from getting another cat because I know that takes me dangerously close to being a crazy cat lady.
So there you go! That's the story of the 4th photo in the 4th album in my pictures folder!

Things That Scare the Crap Out of Me

Yesterday, on the Gardiner Expressway - a highway that I drive on frequently, literally 15 minutes from my house - a truck carrying copper tubes and wires driving on the 427 overpass fell off the overpass and onto the highway below, crushing cars.

The truck was heading south toward the eastbound Gardiner Expressway when its trailer detached, burst through the guardrail and plummeted about 20 metres onto the QEW.

The trailer crushed four cars and scattered an estimated 25,000 kilograms of tubes and wires across three lanes of traffic, shutting down the highway and nearby arteries for most of the day. The highway reopened last night.

After losing its trailer, the truck hit a guardrail before coming to a stop further along on the ramp, Woodford said. (http://www.thestar.com/News/GTA/article/531604)

This makes my crash seem minute.
Can you imagine driving and having a truck falling on you!? I had nightmares about this happening long before this really happened.
It's just so close to home... I could have been driving there!

See pictures here.

They are blaming driver fatigue and mechanical issues. So, please, everyone, don't drive if you're tired! Being responsible for causing a terrible crash would be so terrible, and being responsible for someone's death would be even worse.
Please be so careful driving. I don't believe in the term "accident," crashes are not accidents. If everyone was driving safely, this would not happen.

It's the Bee's Knees!

As you may recall from here, the plan was to go as the Bee Girl for Hallowe'en. Black tank top with yellow electrical tape stripes, wings and wand from Dollarama, black skirt, yellow shorts underneath (just in case), yellow tights, black leg warmers, my yellow Converse shoes, yellow headband with antennas, bee necklace and yellow flower earrings. Tada!
What I Learned:
Wearing a costume and walking through the alley next to my apartment gives permission for every creepy 50-year-old man in the alley to talk to you.
Wearing a costume and riding public transit means everybody smiles at you and 60-something year old ladies talk to you.
Wearing a bee costume with your friends as a lady bug and a spider on Church Street means that between all of you, you are hit on by people of every possible gender (male, female, trans, etc).
Not wearing a coat over your tank top at night on October 31st is a bad plan when you have to walk.
When you have a wine bottle with a cork and no corkscrew, a useful alternative is a screw put into the cork with a screwdriver and use the back of a hammer to pull it out.
I am highly desensitized to Toronto big city life - things like the Gay District, homeless people, mental health, lots of people always around, riding transit, etc. None of it really surprises or scares me anymore.
I have some fantastic friends that I don't see nearly often enough.
I really love Hallowe'en!

A Vlog!?

It's 20SB's Vlog Day! I've spent my day watching other people's beautiful vlogs, so it was finally time to make my own. Warning: I am awkward and there is no cameo by Thunder Kitty. Here goes! Note: Turn your volume up loud, apparently I talk quietly.

vlog #1 from Erin Walker on Vimeo.

I am Clearly NOT the Crazy One Here...

Okay, so let's start out by telling you a bit about my apartment.
I moved here a little over a year ago, and as a general rule, I never see any of my neighbours. This is what I know of them: I live on the end of the hallway, when I look out the door, to my left is the outside. To my right lives a 30 or 40-something single guy, who is never home, with the exception of mid last school when he was busy building something inside there. Across from him is an old man. He has a lot of stuff in his apartment, like he has lived there for years - I know this because sometimes he leaves his door propped open so I can see inside. Beside him on my right is the stairwell, and beside him but across from me is a woman. From what I've seen of her, she appears to be in her late 20s or early 3os. She's got lotsa tattoos and I've seen her in the hallway not wearing any shoes. BUT, the most I've seen of her is when she's been bitching out people who come door to door in the apartment, including the nice old ladies who came around last year to register us to vote.
So, a few weeks ago, I go to leave my apartment to go to placement for an evening shift, I see this note stuck on my door:


So I am a little bit miffed. I feel guilty, but also angry because I do not slam my door, and feel violated by this note. Not to mention smirking at the use of the word "reframe" instead of "refrain."
I took it down, threw it inside, and went to placement. When I get home that night, this note is folded up and left in front of my door:My response is something along the lines of WTF. I highly doubt that either of these notes were from the guy beside me or the old man across from him. I really really think they were both left by the woman across the hall.
So what do I do? I write a disgustingly nice note back apologizing and asking what's with the two notes, leave it in the hall.... and it is promptly ignored by my neighbours for days until it is cleaned up by the landlords.
Here are my issues with this:
1) Is this not a little crazy? Maybe my neighbour has some sort of mental issues?
2) If it is not from one person, are my neighbours ganging up on me?
3) I am not even slamming the door! It makes me feel like showing her/them what door slamming really sounds like.
4) Seriosuly!? I have been a pretty good neighbour. I am quiet, I barely even have people over, I have never had a party here, I don't play music loudly - unlike other people in the building.
5) Really, putting up with things is part of living in a building full of people, either suck it up or find your own place.

Any thoughts?

On Homelessness

Sometimes, I catch myself being a bit of a hypocrite.
I am trying to cut the word "hobo" out of my vocabulary... You know, seeing as I'm doing placement at a shelter for homeless youth this semester and loving it enough to consider working there afterwards. Granted, I do come from a small town, where, to my knowledge, there aren't any homeless people. The only time I had ever seen one growing up was from the car window on one of our trips to bigger cities, or maybe outside of the theatre when we came to Toronto to see shows. I was taught by my parents to be afraid of homeless people and do my best to either ignore them or politely decline their requests for change. And I continued to do so, with the very few homeless people I came across in London and then when I moved to Toronto, walking past them quickly, not making eye contact, afraid that they might jump up and grab me. Until this semester, that is, when BAM, all of a sudden I am working with homeless people.
Talk about a shock. Before a month ago, my idea of homeless people was fairly narrow, including the old dirty man with a crazy beard asking me for change to feed his drug or alcohol addiction, or the crazy old woman who shouts gibberish at you while you walk by because she has schizophrenia. Granted, those people do exist, but not the clients I work with. Yes, some do have mental health issues, and some are recovering from drug and alcohol problems, but most of them just look like normal kids. They can't live at home anymore for a variety of reasons, maybe a bad family situation, maybe they were kicked out for their sexual or gender identity, maybe they are refugees who went through hellish experiences in their country and have been lucky enough to get to Canada. There are so many heartbreaking stories.
Part of our job at the shelter is to help them get the resources to get employment and a home. Those resources do exist, but they have to put in the effort. We don't let them panhandle or work in the sex industry, and they have to get a legitimate job if they are job searching.
That's why I do not give money to panhandlers in the city. First of all, I haven't had a job that pays money for a year now while I've been in school, so it's not like I have money to give. Secondly, there are resources for these people to use as long as they're willing to put the effort in. Panhandling is a survival tactic, not a way to get out of homelessness.
And what makes me even more angry - homeless people who are panhandling who have dogs. You know what, if you can't make money to feed yourself, what are you doing with an animal? Those poor dogs. Drives me nuts.
But here's my issue, where I find I catch myself being a big giant hypocrite: I work with homeless youth, I have a great deal of compassion for the homeless because I can really understand how difficult it is, I understand mental health issues and have worked with teens with them too, but when I see the homeless adult on the street or in the subway, the crazy-looking person walking around, I still get freaked right out. They always seem to come stand by me on the subway, and instead of feeling compassionate for their situation, I get my guard up. I don't want to help them, I want to get away as soon as possible. I suppose it's because I never feel vulnerable around the homeless youth, because I'm an authority there, but I always feel vulnerable around homeless adults. To them, I suppose, I'm just another one of the people with money and a home, walking around dressed well and clean with my iPod and cell phone. I don't know... I shouldn't be scared and disgusted around homeless adults, after all, they are just people who haven't had the luck I have, but I am and I can't help it.
On a happier note, however, I was waiting outside of a coffee place for my friend last night at around 2am, and I homeless person walked up to me. I was guarded and ready to avoid eye contact and tell them sorry, but no I have no change, but it wasn't money he was after. He told me that he was a panhandler, but we wasn't panhandling right now. He said that he had a bad night, the crowds of people ignoring him when he asked for money, and he was getting kind of down. Then, someone asked him if he needed some change, he looked up, and this guy handed him $100. He was so excited! He told me that he went inside to check and see if it was real, and it was. Apparently he just wanted someone to tell about his good luck before he hobbled off. In spite of my dislike of panhandling, I was happy for him. I'm glad he had a good night too.

Nuit Blanche

Last night was Toronto's Nuit Blanche. It's an "all night contemporary art thing." It does sometimes border on pretensious, but usually there are some cool exhibits. Mel and I took it on like pros, and ended up walking over 11 kms around the city. It was chilly and crowded and the transit ride home sucked, but there was some really cool art and a great atmosphere, thousands of people taking over the city for a night to experience the same thing. Here are my highlights.

Mel and I weren't too sure what this exhibit was all about.


I was being a creeper in an alley.


A pig head on a stick... a little Lord of the Flies... I'm fairly certain it was real.


Photos of people moving, they were really cool.


A faux-snowman on the railroad bridge. Don't jump, buddy! Winter will come soon enough!


Lit up stairs that lead to nowhere under the train bridge.


These are oil barrels with letters on them, must have taken FOREVER!


I am tying my wish onto one of Yoko Ono's wish trees!


Yoko Ono's "Imagine Peace"... I think they were dropping stuff from a crane, I missed that though.


We walked forever! This was near the end of our journey, I think it is fitting.


So, overall, Nuit Blanche was an awesome but tiring night. There was a lot we didn't see... but with the amount of walking we did, I don't think I could have handled much more! If you're in the Toronto area and didn't go to it, I strongly reccomend you go next year.