Should Have Known Better

By 23, there are things I should know better, especially when it comes to my body. I should know how it works and how it reacts to certain things, I shouldn't end up spending the night in the hospital because of something I should know better.
Here's how it went down.
Friday morning, I get a text from one of my BFFs, asking if I wanted to go for drinks. She's had a tough week, and she also wanted to check in with me, because last weekend I found out that one of my clients passed away. So out we went, it was a beautiful Friday night and we found a pub on Bloor St. where the front windows opened garage-door style. We got a table right near the street, so we drank and ate and talked and people-watched for hours until the guy she is seeing showed up. At that point, I was already tipsy. I don't drink too much and I am on medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance, so I have a really low tolerance. So, when the boy showed up, I was already tipsy, and he then proceeded to order us drinks and shots. We made friends with the couple at the table next to us, and generally had a really good time. I usually keep myself sober enough to take transit home, because I live an hour's ride by transit away from downtown. That night, I knew that taking transit by myself would be a bad idea. I have never been that drunk before in my life. I texted friends on the way home to keep myself from passing out. I finally made it home, puked a few times, took a gravol and stumbled into my bed.
Now, I should explain why this is an extra bad idea for me. We believe that I have what's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I've had this since I was a young teen, the first time I remember it happening was in grade 10. Often it comes when I am nervous or stressed out, it has happened before when I've eaten foods that disagree with me as well. It's never happened before because of drinking, mostly because I usually keep myself in check. Basically, what happens is that I start throwing up, usually early morning, and I keep throwing up, for hours and hours, even when there isn't anything left in my stomach to throw up. It turns into dry heaving and I heave and heave for hours upon hours. Once before, I had to go to the hospital, but usually my Grandpa (a doctor) orders me a perscription of injectable gravol that Mom (a former nurse) gives to me. After an injection or two of gravol, I usually calm down and am able to stop puking, but it can take me days to really recover, because it wears me out. It hasn't happened now for almost 2 years, and it has never happened when I am so far away from home.
I woke up at 8:00 on Saturday morning and the vomiting started. Luckily, I have a cousin who lives in the same city and has helped me deal with the vomiting before, and she was able to come over and help nurse me. I don't think I could have made it through this on my own. By 6 at night, I was still vomiting and not able to keep anything inside of me, so we decided I had to go to the hospital. After what seemed like forever, I was admitted and given fluids and 3 bags of anti-nauseants before I settled down. By 5am, I was feeling better and able to keep fluids down, so my cousin took me home.
We slept all day today, with me waking up to call in to work and every once in a while drink some ginger ale and eat some crackers. My cousin went home late afternoon, and since then I've been home alone, nursing fluids and trying to make myself eat regularly.
Usually I love living by myself, but when I get sick, I hate it. I get so terribly home sick. I hate having to bother friends to come over to help me, but at the same time, I can hardly take care of myself.
But, I should have known better. I need to remember that I am not invincible and that I cannot possibly drink that much, especially when I live by myself and have no one to take care of me.
I am feeling better now, but I not only missed an incredibly beautiful weekend, I missed 2 days of work so far, and I had to cancel my interview for full-time at the shelter. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

My Latest Obsession

I've been a bad blogger. I know. I'm sorry.
And I'll likely continue to be a bad blogger for a little while longer.
Would you like to know why?
I have a new obsession.
The Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris... You know, the books that True Blood was based on?
Let me tell you, the books are even better than the series. Oh. My. Goodness.
I have lost sleep over this series, I've stayed up to the wee hours of the morning reading, and still not been able to sleep afterward because I've continued to think about them.
They are just that good.
Right now, I'm reading Definitely Dead, the 6th book. I have one more to read, until the next one comes out in paperback at the end of the month, and then another one comes out in May... the author says she's not done yet, which makes me terribly happy.
I am no good at book reviewing. I doubt I ever will be any good at it. All I can tell you is that these books are incredible and if you haven't read them yet, do so immediately.
And with that, I will likely be MIA for a little longer while I spend all of my free time reading these books. I'll still be Tumbling and Twittering, so if you're missing me, come see me there!

I'm Just Waiting 'Til the Shine Wears Off

I've been a neglectful blogger again, sorry guys. It's not that I don't have things to write about... I just haven't been feeling it. Don't worry, I'll be back again shortly! Tonight I am being a domestic goddess - I put up my new shower curtain, did laundry (including trying out the at home dry cleaning kit I purchased to get the cat pee out of my coat - that's right, he peed on my coat), and currently am baking brownies. That, my friends, is about as domestic as it gets around chez Erin.
So now I'll leave you with the video to the song I haven't been able to get out of my head for weeks it's so good: Lost+ by Coldplay ft. Jay-Z. I think it's just beautiful (and this is coming from me, a former Coldplay fan who thought she was so over them).

'Cause You Might Die Trying

I love this song. Not just because it's Dave, also for the idea behind it.

To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all.

Once you get your gate,
You will walk in tall.
You said you never did,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
Cause you---

If you close your eyes,
Cause the house is on fire.
Think you couldn't move,
Until the fire dies.
The things you never did,
Oh, Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.
You'd be as good as dead,
Cause you might die trying,
Cause you might die trying.

If you give, you, you begin to live.
If you give, you begin to live.
You begin, you get the world.
If you give, you begin to give
You get get the world, you get the world.
If you give, you get to give.

You might die trying.
Oh, you might die trying.
Yeah, you might die trying.

The things you never did,
Cause you might die trying;
You'd be as good as dead.
You never did.

It's hard to do something to make change, but if you don't take the risk nothing will happen at all, right?
I love the idea of making a difference and changing the world, but usually when the opportunity to really do something, even something little, comes along, I freeze up and do nothing. I mean, I help people because it's my job when I'm at the shelter, but outside of work I never go out of my way to help people. I need to stop freezing and going on with my day, doing nothing.

I was riding the streetcar to work today. It was freezing outside and starting to snow. At one point, a homeless man hopped on through the back doors without paying, carrying a garbage bag full of cans. His slightly odd behaviour struck me as potentially schizophrenic, and so I got my guard up like I usually do around people with mental health issues on public transit (not without reason, I've seen a few scary incidents). Sitting on a chair was a leather glove that everyone else who got on had ignored. The homeless man grabbed it and tried it on, appearing thrilled that he would now have a warm hand. After a while, a homeless woman got on. They greeted each other and she sat down near him (in front of me). He then told her about his glove, and offered it to her. She declined, saying she was already too hot, but I was really touched by the gesture. This man who clearly didn't have very many things to call his own and who spent his time outside collecting bottles in the cold without proper winter attire, was willing to give away his newfound glove to somebody else who might need it more than he did. He was willing to try and make a difference and help somebody else. Meanwhile, I sat there with my hat and two gloves and scarf and iPod and just observed.

More Fiscal Responsibility by Erin

I went shopping today, as every unemployed student should, and I thought I would share with you my major purchases:
Matt & Nat "Depeche Mode" small bag in earth, comes with a long green across the body strap, exactly what I wanted - something larger than my lovely Roots Village bag, but still an across the body bag, so my hands can be free but I can ride the subway without feeling like my bag could be stolen. And Matt & Nat - we've already covered how much I love them here, here, and here.

And new boots! Kind of like these, only with a buckle instead of the loops and made of leather not fabric. Otherwise basically the same. So comfy! I wanted short boots that were completely flat, because the other boots I bought this fall are a bit too tall and fancy to wear every day - especially at the shelter. These new ones will be perfect for everyday!

I also bought a new pair of jeans from the Gap, and these hilarious Unocorn slip-ons, only in blue and yellow (on sale for $15 at Winners!).

Maybe someday I'll learn to be fiscally responsible... But for now I will be pumped about my new purchases!

I am a Terrible Person

Talking to my friend this evening, who just found out that I guy she was seeing is back with an old girlfriend, and she says that he just seemed really nice.
My reply: "yeah, but so do most sereal killers, so it could've been worse i guess..."
...
I am an awesome friend.

On Homelessness

Sometimes, I catch myself being a bit of a hypocrite.
I am trying to cut the word "hobo" out of my vocabulary... You know, seeing as I'm doing placement at a shelter for homeless youth this semester and loving it enough to consider working there afterwards. Granted, I do come from a small town, where, to my knowledge, there aren't any homeless people. The only time I had ever seen one growing up was from the car window on one of our trips to bigger cities, or maybe outside of the theatre when we came to Toronto to see shows. I was taught by my parents to be afraid of homeless people and do my best to either ignore them or politely decline their requests for change. And I continued to do so, with the very few homeless people I came across in London and then when I moved to Toronto, walking past them quickly, not making eye contact, afraid that they might jump up and grab me. Until this semester, that is, when BAM, all of a sudden I am working with homeless people.
Talk about a shock. Before a month ago, my idea of homeless people was fairly narrow, including the old dirty man with a crazy beard asking me for change to feed his drug or alcohol addiction, or the crazy old woman who shouts gibberish at you while you walk by because she has schizophrenia. Granted, those people do exist, but not the clients I work with. Yes, some do have mental health issues, and some are recovering from drug and alcohol problems, but most of them just look like normal kids. They can't live at home anymore for a variety of reasons, maybe a bad family situation, maybe they were kicked out for their sexual or gender identity, maybe they are refugees who went through hellish experiences in their country and have been lucky enough to get to Canada. There are so many heartbreaking stories.
Part of our job at the shelter is to help them get the resources to get employment and a home. Those resources do exist, but they have to put in the effort. We don't let them panhandle or work in the sex industry, and they have to get a legitimate job if they are job searching.
That's why I do not give money to panhandlers in the city. First of all, I haven't had a job that pays money for a year now while I've been in school, so it's not like I have money to give. Secondly, there are resources for these people to use as long as they're willing to put the effort in. Panhandling is a survival tactic, not a way to get out of homelessness.
And what makes me even more angry - homeless people who are panhandling who have dogs. You know what, if you can't make money to feed yourself, what are you doing with an animal? Those poor dogs. Drives me nuts.
But here's my issue, where I find I catch myself being a big giant hypocrite: I work with homeless youth, I have a great deal of compassion for the homeless because I can really understand how difficult it is, I understand mental health issues and have worked with teens with them too, but when I see the homeless adult on the street or in the subway, the crazy-looking person walking around, I still get freaked right out. They always seem to come stand by me on the subway, and instead of feeling compassionate for their situation, I get my guard up. I don't want to help them, I want to get away as soon as possible. I suppose it's because I never feel vulnerable around the homeless youth, because I'm an authority there, but I always feel vulnerable around homeless adults. To them, I suppose, I'm just another one of the people with money and a home, walking around dressed well and clean with my iPod and cell phone. I don't know... I shouldn't be scared and disgusted around homeless adults, after all, they are just people who haven't had the luck I have, but I am and I can't help it.
On a happier note, however, I was waiting outside of a coffee place for my friend last night at around 2am, and I homeless person walked up to me. I was guarded and ready to avoid eye contact and tell them sorry, but no I have no change, but it wasn't money he was after. He told me that he was a panhandler, but we wasn't panhandling right now. He said that he had a bad night, the crowds of people ignoring him when he asked for money, and he was getting kind of down. Then, someone asked him if he needed some change, he looked up, and this guy handed him $100. He was so excited! He told me that he went inside to check and see if it was real, and it was. Apparently he just wanted someone to tell about his good luck before he hobbled off. In spite of my dislike of panhandling, I was happy for him. I'm glad he had a good night too.

I'm Ashamed

Okay, I'll admit it...


I didn't watch any political debates tonight.


I was fully aware of both the Canadian Party Leaders Debate and the American VP Debate. And I didn't watch them.
I think it's okay for me not to watch the VP debate, after all, I'm not a US citizen and won't be voting there come November.
But I am slightly embarrassed that I did not watch the Canadian Debate. To be honest, I'm just not that interested in it. I know I should be. It is the leadership of my country, after all. But just look at these guys (I say guys because a google image search for Canadian Political Leaders did not include Elizabeth May of the Green Party unfortunately). It's not the same as the American elections. There, they have strong leaders and great political divides and controversial issues and huge following for the candidates, it's a type of celebrity really. Here is my Canadian political rundown: the Bloc Quebecois is not going to get anything outside of Quebec and therefore can't really be a major contender. The NDP (whom I have a strong personal lean towards) will only get anywhere if people can be convinced that we are more than a 2 party country and they might have a chance if those people who really feel like the NDP should win (but vote Liberal anyways because at least that way the Conservatives won't win) actually start voting for the party that they support. As for the Liberals... I'm just not too sure about Stephane Dion. He doesn't have the leadership qualities to win the peoples' trust, so I think a lot of right-leaning Liberals will vote Conservative and a lot of left-leaning Liberals will vote NDP because of the lack of Liberal leadership. Granted, they will probably still place second and get the opposition again. As for the Conservatives, in spite of the fact that Harper's hair does not move and that he is so strongly aligned with Bush's politics, I still think that Harper stands a good chance of winning and being re-elected simply due to the perceived lack of other options.

All of that being said, I am no Political Science major, this is just the feeling that I get from what I watch and read.
I probably should have watched the debate.

Hoorah for Being Fiscally Irresponsible!!

Did I also mention that I bought something for myself from ebay this week? It was my very first for-myself ebay purchase!

I've wanted these beauties all summer long but vowed that I would not buy them full price. Thanks to ebay, I didn't pay full price. They're being shipped to me as I type. Eee! I can't wait!!
Note: This is why I am attempting to be a hermit and spend as little money as possible until my OSAP comes in. I highly doubt I will ever be able to teach my clients life skills around money management. Clearly I can't even handle it for myself.

I Feel Guilty

I find myself watching celebrity news/gossip shows pretty much on a daily basis. I feel guilty that I watch them, but yet I can't help it. It makes me sad that people are interested enough in these celebrities that they don't know that paparazzi are paid to follow them around constantly. Really, I'm surprised that more of them don't crack (a la Britney). I can't imagine how I would feel if someone with a camera was following me around constantly and if people were paid to constantly scrutinize and analyze everything I did, every decision I made, every word I said, everything I wear, everywhere I go... I would lose it! But, yet, I still support it. I read the websites and watch the tv shows, I've even been known to peruse a celeb magazine from time to time. Why?? Why are these people I will never know so enthralling? Why are their everyday lives so interesting? You know, I suppose it's the same kind of interest that keeps me browsing the profiles of the sorta-friends on my Facebook list and looking through random blogs. I barely know these people, if at all, but their lives are still so interesting to me. Living vicariously through others perhaps? I don't know, really. So I guess I'll continue my celeb-following and continue to feel slightly guilty for causing the mental health issues of countless celebrities.