Same as it Ever Was

Do you ever stop where you are and wonder how the heck you ended up there?
As in, if somebody had told you a few years back that you would be in that scenario, you would have laughed at them?
I felt like that a lot during Mom's fight with cancer. Sitting in the hospital waiting room during surgery, driving Mom to chemo, dealing with Mom's tubes and wires in her hospital room... I looked at my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the fact that I never expected that I would be there in that situation, and I never expected I would be able to deal with it as well as I did.
I guess you don't know what you can handle until you're in that situation.
I find that a lot at work. When I was visiting Mom in the hospital, I was telling the nurse about my job, and Mom said that if you had told her two years ago I would be living in Toronto working with street youth, she never would have believed it. You know... if you had told me two years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I would have laughed in your face.
It happens a lot at work, especially when I am dealing with the mental health and the crises that develop... when a kid got stabbed, when fights break out, when a girl comes in completely naked and I have to spend at least 10 minutes talking her into getting re-dressed, when I have to deal with bed bugs, and disgusting rooms and various bodily fluids, when I get sworn at, and yelled at, when I get told too much information about their sex lives... I find myself pausing and thinking "how did I get here?" At first, it was unnerving, being somewhere so out of my element, now I just laugh it off.
I'm a sheltered girl from a small town. J-walking scares me... I grew up on a gravel road. Whenever we would go to Toronto on family trips, Dad would lock the car doors before we got into city limits, likely afraid that a man with a squeegee would jump inside and mug as at gunpoint or we'd get shot up in the middle of a gang war. That's what happens in big cities, right? I was discussing how I grew up with one of my co-workers after work the other day, and she turned to look at me, and asked "Erin, how did you end up here?" Now, she knows the story of how I ended up here, my botched plans for teacher's college after university, and we went to our Child and Youth Work program together, so she knows about all of that... That's not what she meant. I told her truthfully that some days I don't even know.
Luck? Chance? Divine intervention? I don't know. Was it meant to be, or did I just luck out by ending up somewhere I like? Maybe it was completely random. If one little factor of my life had gone a different way, I could be living somewhere completely different, doing something completely different.
That scares me a little. I don't like the idea that my life is arbitrarily decided by chance... I'd much rather think that I am here because it's where I'm supposed to be. I like the idea that I've been brought somewhere that frequently forces me to deal with difficult situations, but I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it.
What about you? Do you ever stop and wonder how you ended up where you are? Has your life taken a clear path to where you are today, or has it been a journey of twists and turns? Is it chance and luck, or is there some sort of plan behind the path your life takes?

Erin's Red Carpet Round-up

Well, it's that time of year again: Red Carpet Season. The Oscar nominations were announced the other day, and I have to say, I'm a little bit ashamed of myself this year... Usually I manage to see at least a good chunk of the nominated movies, but this year I have not seen a single one. Actually, scratch that - I saw bits and pieces of The Dark Knight when the kids watched it at work. Pathetic, I know. Here are the nominated films:

Nominated Films from Oscar.com.

That means I have about a month to catch up. What do I want to see for sure? Australia (because I heart Baz Luhrmann, the idea of the country, and history), Defiance (again with the history thing, and Daniel Craig can't hurt), In Bruges (I've heard good things), Rachel Getting Married (again, good things), Slumdog Millionaire (people have been raving about it/ it's won all the awards so far), The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (um Brad Pitt. Enough said.), The Wrestler (saw a clip on Conan tonight, looks interesting), and Vicky Cristina Barcelona (looks good). For a full list of nominations go here.

Any thoughts / suggestions / recommendations, guys? Any movies that were missed by The Academy that I should still see?

With Feathers in Her Hair

I was perusing the accessories section of Urban Outfitters today and completely fell in love with the feather headbands / hair pieces:





And my favourites...I am trying to convince a friend to have a cowboys & indians themed birthday party so I can justify buying one (what are your thoughts on this, readers, is it racist or a social faux pas, or is it retro throwback-y enough for it to work?).
I'm trying to decide whether or not I could rock one of these in real life, maybe not over my forehead, but in the normal headband position. Thoughts?

Underemployment Plans

Now that I'm done school and a real working girl, I have a bit more free time. Okay, that's a lie. Now that my only job is relief work, I'm discovering that I have a lot more free time. It's only my second day off this week and I'm already bored stiff.
I'm still looking for another job (either a full time job or a second part time job), but I'm taking my time, playing it by ear. I want to see how much work I get at the shelter before I look for something else.
In the meantime, I need things to occupy my time. There are a few things that I know for sure I need to do, and a few other ideas I've been thinking about but am undecided on. And, because everybody likes lists, here are my thoughts on things I can do outside of work to occupy my time, in list form:

• Cleaning the apartment, and not just average cleaning, but hardcore cleaning - that way I can keep on top of it for the rest of the year, a la my New Year's Resolution. Yes, this includes the closets and ALL of the laundry.
  
• Finding my local library branch, getting a Toronto library card, and reading, reading, reading - for free! This will help with that other resolution.
• Training the cat to use the toilet rather than the litter box. Yes, I'm aware that this is basically a pipe dream, but I'm still considering it.
• Catching up on the episodes of Pushing Daisies that I have waiting for me to watch on my computer.
• Going for walks daily, bringing my camera, and taking pictures. I'm considering taking part in Project 365.
• Joining some type of exercise group or class. Taking yoga, dance, swimming, joining an organized sport... I'm not sure which. Any ideas?
• Being more artistic: printmaking, painting, photography, etc - just do more of it.
• Taking some sort of art and/or crafts class. Know of any good / inexpensive ones in the GTA?
• Learn to sew, with a machine, meaning I need to procure a sewing machine somehow.
• Borrowing my little sister's Game Cube that she does not use, kicking butt in the games.
• Writing thank you notes to the older generation of my family for my Christmas gifts. I have the cards, I just have to sit down and do it.

Have any ideas to add to my list? Any suggestions? Help me out here guys, I'm going stir crazy!

But I Hate Resolutions...

I am a notorious New Year's Resolutions hater. It feels like I always am just setting myself up to fail with the same old goals of losing weight, exercising, and eating better. But I got to thinking, and I guess if I keep choosing the same resolutions every year and I keep failing at them, then maybe I'm not ready for that just yet. So instead, I've thought up a few other things that I would like to see happen in the new year:

1) Stop biting my nails. - I have been a nail biter since I was little. In the past few years though, I've mostly stopped. Now I only bite them when I am stressed or when they get chipped badly. I want to stop all together.

I really should stop biting my nails by diurnaldreamer

2) Drink more water. - I drink way too much diet cola. The problem is that I don't like the taste of water (I am really picky, I know). I am going to try to cut it down by bringing my Nalgene to work with me and some Crystal Lite singles so I can get it down.

Fill 'er up by acermate433s

3) Keep the apartment clean. - My apartment is pretty much always a disaster zone as soon as things in my life get busy. I want to keep on top of things this year. I am going to take the garbage out on the same day every week so I remember, and I am going to do the dishes as soon as I am done with them. I am also going to make the litter box clean out a daily occurrence. If I stay on top of those things, then the rest of it will be easier to get done when I have time.

Banksy by Simon Crubellier

4) Read more. - Now that I'm not in school, I can read for pleasure without feeling guilty that I'm not doing my homework. And now that I'm done the Twilight series, I'm left with a gaping literary hole to fill. I want to keep reading on a daily basis - whether before bed, at work, or on the subway.

On the platform, reading by moriza

5) Keep at this dating business. I'm still doing the online thing, but sometimes the idea of dating seems like more effort than it's worth. I do want to meet someone I like though, so I need to keep trying.

Date by XXVIII

I will keep you posted on my progress. You guys can keep me accountable so that I actually have to work on these. Wish me luck!

Dating with Erin

I think I've just gotten comfortable. I'm used to being single, coming home at night to my cat and relaxing by myself. I've gotten used to the status quo. I'm always the single one of the group, hanging out with my friends who are couples - dating, engaged, married, living together - being the third wheel even if they don't make me feel like it.

I've always been a late bloomer.
I had my first real boyfriend at 18, the summer after first year university. I sort of saw another guy after that, but that was it.
Almost 5 years later and I'm still hopelessly single.

Here are the issues, I think: I'm shy, I'm picky, I'm apparently unable to flirt, and I have difficulty meeting guys (my program is almost all female, as is the field I'm going into).

But this needs to change. I'm 23, I'm bored, I'm lonely, and I'm tired of being jealous of everyone else's exciting dating adventures and happy relationships.

I don't know how to go about this though. I've been mulling over the idea of online dating. A few of my friends have done it, but I've never know anybody to actually have a successful relationship from meeting online.

I need thoughts and opinions. What should I do in order to meet someone? Have you (or someone you know) ever had a successful relationship with someone they met online? Should I put myself out there and give if a shot?

I am Clearly NOT the Crazy One Here...

Okay, so let's start out by telling you a bit about my apartment.
I moved here a little over a year ago, and as a general rule, I never see any of my neighbours. This is what I know of them: I live on the end of the hallway, when I look out the door, to my left is the outside. To my right lives a 30 or 40-something single guy, who is never home, with the exception of mid last school when he was busy building something inside there. Across from him is an old man. He has a lot of stuff in his apartment, like he has lived there for years - I know this because sometimes he leaves his door propped open so I can see inside. Beside him on my right is the stairwell, and beside him but across from me is a woman. From what I've seen of her, she appears to be in her late 20s or early 3os. She's got lotsa tattoos and I've seen her in the hallway not wearing any shoes. BUT, the most I've seen of her is when she's been bitching out people who come door to door in the apartment, including the nice old ladies who came around last year to register us to vote.
So, a few weeks ago, I go to leave my apartment to go to placement for an evening shift, I see this note stuck on my door:


So I am a little bit miffed. I feel guilty, but also angry because I do not slam my door, and feel violated by this note. Not to mention smirking at the use of the word "reframe" instead of "refrain."
I took it down, threw it inside, and went to placement. When I get home that night, this note is folded up and left in front of my door:My response is something along the lines of WTF. I highly doubt that either of these notes were from the guy beside me or the old man across from him. I really really think they were both left by the woman across the hall.
So what do I do? I write a disgustingly nice note back apologizing and asking what's with the two notes, leave it in the hall.... and it is promptly ignored by my neighbours for days until it is cleaned up by the landlords.
Here are my issues with this:
1) Is this not a little crazy? Maybe my neighbour has some sort of mental issues?
2) If it is not from one person, are my neighbours ganging up on me?
3) I am not even slamming the door! It makes me feel like showing her/them what door slamming really sounds like.
4) Seriosuly!? I have been a pretty good neighbour. I am quiet, I barely even have people over, I have never had a party here, I don't play music loudly - unlike other people in the building.
5) Really, putting up with things is part of living in a building full of people, either suck it up or find your own place.

Any thoughts?

Please Help Me

I need a new magazine to love.
It's been over a year now since my beloved Jane Magazine folded.
I've tried to replace it with Glamour, while dabbling in Vanity Fair and Marie Claire. But none of them can live up to Jane.
I loved the witty, straight up writing style, fashion, celebs, reviews, ideas, and opinions.
Oh, I miss Jane. I need a replacement. Please, does anyone have any ideas for me?