Happy Mother's Day

Here's Mommy and Me...
Now:


And then:




Happy Mother's Day to my strong and beautiful mother, who has shown me by example how to overcome life's challenges with grace and good humour.

Should Have Known Better

By 23, there are things I should know better, especially when it comes to my body. I should know how it works and how it reacts to certain things, I shouldn't end up spending the night in the hospital because of something I should know better.
Here's how it went down.
Friday morning, I get a text from one of my BFFs, asking if I wanted to go for drinks. She's had a tough week, and she also wanted to check in with me, because last weekend I found out that one of my clients passed away. So out we went, it was a beautiful Friday night and we found a pub on Bloor St. where the front windows opened garage-door style. We got a table right near the street, so we drank and ate and talked and people-watched for hours until the guy she is seeing showed up. At that point, I was already tipsy. I don't drink too much and I am on medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance, so I have a really low tolerance. So, when the boy showed up, I was already tipsy, and he then proceeded to order us drinks and shots. We made friends with the couple at the table next to us, and generally had a really good time. I usually keep myself sober enough to take transit home, because I live an hour's ride by transit away from downtown. That night, I knew that taking transit by myself would be a bad idea. I have never been that drunk before in my life. I texted friends on the way home to keep myself from passing out. I finally made it home, puked a few times, took a gravol and stumbled into my bed.
Now, I should explain why this is an extra bad idea for me. We believe that I have what's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I've had this since I was a young teen, the first time I remember it happening was in grade 10. Often it comes when I am nervous or stressed out, it has happened before when I've eaten foods that disagree with me as well. It's never happened before because of drinking, mostly because I usually keep myself in check. Basically, what happens is that I start throwing up, usually early morning, and I keep throwing up, for hours and hours, even when there isn't anything left in my stomach to throw up. It turns into dry heaving and I heave and heave for hours upon hours. Once before, I had to go to the hospital, but usually my Grandpa (a doctor) orders me a perscription of injectable gravol that Mom (a former nurse) gives to me. After an injection or two of gravol, I usually calm down and am able to stop puking, but it can take me days to really recover, because it wears me out. It hasn't happened now for almost 2 years, and it has never happened when I am so far away from home.
I woke up at 8:00 on Saturday morning and the vomiting started. Luckily, I have a cousin who lives in the same city and has helped me deal with the vomiting before, and she was able to come over and help nurse me. I don't think I could have made it through this on my own. By 6 at night, I was still vomiting and not able to keep anything inside of me, so we decided I had to go to the hospital. After what seemed like forever, I was admitted and given fluids and 3 bags of anti-nauseants before I settled down. By 5am, I was feeling better and able to keep fluids down, so my cousin took me home.
We slept all day today, with me waking up to call in to work and every once in a while drink some ginger ale and eat some crackers. My cousin went home late afternoon, and since then I've been home alone, nursing fluids and trying to make myself eat regularly.
Usually I love living by myself, but when I get sick, I hate it. I get so terribly home sick. I hate having to bother friends to come over to help me, but at the same time, I can hardly take care of myself.
But, I should have known better. I need to remember that I am not invincible and that I cannot possibly drink that much, especially when I live by myself and have no one to take care of me.
I am feeling better now, but I not only missed an incredibly beautiful weekend, I missed 2 days of work so far, and I had to cancel my interview for full-time at the shelter. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Easter Weekend Update... A Week Later

Hey, remember how last weekend was Easter weekend? Yeah, I had a fantastic weekend at home with the family. I had planned on sharing pictures with y'all, and even started uploading them last week... but then I fell asleep.

So, here they are, a sampling of my Easter weekend:

Here's Mom and Dad at Easter dinner. Doesn't Mommy look amazing!? Take THAT cancer!

The next day, we went to the Farm (remember? the "farm"?). It was the first time I'd actually been to it other than just viewing it from the road at Christmastime. We got to hike around and I got to play in the creeks/ponds - which I reveled in, of course, being approximately 5 years old on the inside.

This is me being a swamp creature!

This old tubing is left over from a maple sugar operation that was on the property a while back. The tubing was stuck under a bunch of mud in the creek, and Dad had just finished talking about how he tried and tried to get it out of the ground and couldn't. I walked into the creek and pulled it and got it right out... and then proceeded to heckle Dad about getting old. What an awesome daughter I am!

This is me and my littlest sis. Notice my classy classy outfit!

And here I am looking like a model in front of our biggest tree, appraising it for tree-house worthiness.

Overall, Easter weekend was one big awesome WIN, and the "farm" gets my seal of approval!

From Darkness to Light

First Dawn by traqair57

It's Easter weekend. I made sure to book it off work, and today I made the 4 hour drive home to my parents' house. This is what I've done every year since I moved out, and this is what I will continue to do, like until my life changes in some major way. Every Easter weekend, our whole family gets together (this year we will be short one, due to the sister being in Oz). My Dad's side of the family always has some sort of big dinner, this year is actually the first in my memory that we're not having it at our house - we're going to our aunt and uncle's house because Mom is still recovering from her surgery and seeing as she is going to have a complete recovery from cancer we're encouraging her to milk it while she can. Holiday weekends (Thanksgiving and Easter) are usually pretty stressful in my family, because Mom becomes a giant stress-ball trying to make sure everything is perfect before the family comes over, so this year of cancer treatments has provided a nice break from the stresses of family entertaining at least.
On Easter weekend, we also always have an Easter egg hunt (although Mom stopped this tradition last year, stating that we were too old, and just gave us chocolates in our baskets instead). It's going to be weird celebrating Easter without the middle sister... she was the one who always divided up the Easter eggs to make sure that everyone got an equal amount of foil-wrapped chocolates. But, I suppose, the traditions have to change at some point, and not everyone's going to be able to come to every holiday always.
After the egg hunt, we go to church for an Easter Sunday service that always manages to make me teary. It starts with the entire sanctuary in darkness, all of the normal things like banners, candelabras and floral arrangements are covered in black cloths, and at the front of the church is the large wooden cross we use to light candles on for lent, all of the candles are extinguished, and the cross has black cloths on it as well. Then, someone comes in and lights the Christ candle and others come in and take away the black cloths, still others light the rest of the candles in the sanctuary, and kids from the Sunday School come in with pots and pots of spring flowers to place around the foot of the cross. For us, this symbolizes the darkness that came when Jesus was crucified and the light that followed when He was found risen. Theology aside, I think it's a really nice sentiment. Spring is a time of light after the darkness of winter, so it is a time to start new, to turn mourning into dancing, so to speak.
After a year of dealing with Mom's cancer, I am ready to put it behind me, to move from darkness to light, from mourning to dancing. I am ready to start fresh and focus on me for a bit.
What do y'all do for Easter? Do you celebrate it even? Maybe Passover? What traditions do you have? What ideas do you place behind it? What does that mean for you, and for your family?

Same as it Ever Was

Do you ever stop where you are and wonder how the heck you ended up there?
As in, if somebody had told you a few years back that you would be in that scenario, you would have laughed at them?
I felt like that a lot during Mom's fight with cancer. Sitting in the hospital waiting room during surgery, driving Mom to chemo, dealing with Mom's tubes and wires in her hospital room... I looked at my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the fact that I never expected that I would be there in that situation, and I never expected I would be able to deal with it as well as I did.
I guess you don't know what you can handle until you're in that situation.
I find that a lot at work. When I was visiting Mom in the hospital, I was telling the nurse about my job, and Mom said that if you had told her two years ago I would be living in Toronto working with street youth, she never would have believed it. You know... if you had told me two years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I would have laughed in your face.
It happens a lot at work, especially when I am dealing with the mental health and the crises that develop... when a kid got stabbed, when fights break out, when a girl comes in completely naked and I have to spend at least 10 minutes talking her into getting re-dressed, when I have to deal with bed bugs, and disgusting rooms and various bodily fluids, when I get sworn at, and yelled at, when I get told too much information about their sex lives... I find myself pausing and thinking "how did I get here?" At first, it was unnerving, being somewhere so out of my element, now I just laugh it off.
I'm a sheltered girl from a small town. J-walking scares me... I grew up on a gravel road. Whenever we would go to Toronto on family trips, Dad would lock the car doors before we got into city limits, likely afraid that a man with a squeegee would jump inside and mug as at gunpoint or we'd get shot up in the middle of a gang war. That's what happens in big cities, right? I was discussing how I grew up with one of my co-workers after work the other day, and she turned to look at me, and asked "Erin, how did you end up here?" Now, she knows the story of how I ended up here, my botched plans for teacher's college after university, and we went to our Child and Youth Work program together, so she knows about all of that... That's not what she meant. I told her truthfully that some days I don't even know.
Luck? Chance? Divine intervention? I don't know. Was it meant to be, or did I just luck out by ending up somewhere I like? Maybe it was completely random. If one little factor of my life had gone a different way, I could be living somewhere completely different, doing something completely different.
That scares me a little. I don't like the idea that my life is arbitrarily decided by chance... I'd much rather think that I am here because it's where I'm supposed to be. I like the idea that I've been brought somewhere that frequently forces me to deal with difficult situations, but I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it.
What about you? Do you ever stop and wonder how you ended up where you are? Has your life taken a clear path to where you are today, or has it been a journey of twists and turns? Is it chance and luck, or is there some sort of plan behind the path your life takes?

Recap

So life has been busy lately, thus I've been MIA from the blogging world. Here's what's new with me:

• Mom's surgery went really well. She had it on Monday and was okay to go home on Thursday! Her nurses were fantastic and everything went really smoothly. I am unbelievably relieved that this is finally over.
• I've been working overnights. I expect it will be a while before I have a normal sleep schedule again. We have been short staffed the past 2 nights, so I have been stationed by myself at the main desk of the shelter, which I love. When there are no new intakes and all of my work is done, I get to chill with a snack, listen to some Dave Matthews, and read or play around on the internet while everyone else sleeps.
  
• I bought the first book in the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, it's the book that True Blood is based on. I am almost through it already and I loved it! I went to Chapters tonight and bought the next 3 in the series.
• Maurice the turtle is living at my apartment now! The cat hasn't tried to kill him yet, so all is well! He likes staring at me while I do stuff around the apartment, he's funny! I will introduce you properly soon.
  
• My littlest sister is on a March Break school trip to Spain and Italy right now. The middle sister is still in Australia. I am stuck in Toronto... and slowly going stir crazy.
• BUT, I got a ticket to see the Dave Matthews Band in June! I'm crazy excited, especially because their new CD comes out only days before. However, the crappy part is that I'm going with 2 other friends, and Ticketmaster wouldn't allow us to puchase more than 2 tickets together for inside the pavilion, so I am sitting one section over from my two friends... here's hoping we can sweet talk the people around us to let us all sit together...
  
• I started a Tumblr, because I clearly need to spend more time on the internet. It's Tumbling Down the Rabbit Hole, go follow me!
• Oh! How Lovely! Shops is giving away a set of bodhicitta Recycled Glasses, very cool! Go enter!
  

Update

This is Mom and me. I love this photo.

The surgery went without a hitch today, and Mom seems to be doing well. The doctor seemed very optimistic that she could be out by the weekend as long as things are moving well, he wants her up and walking around tomorrow. She was really doped up tonight, which was likely a good thing. Mom grew up with the woman who is the head of pain management for the hospital and went to nursing school with her, so she's being taken care of. I will likely be going up to visit tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday - mostly to give her and Dad a break from each other and to make sure Dad is taking care of himself.

Thanks to all of you for your support and positive thoughts and good wishes, it means so much to me!

Cancer-schmancer

Mom's surgery is on Monday.
This will be it. The end of the battle (hopefully).
The doctor will take away Oscar Ostomy (that's right, she named her Ostomy) and hook everything back up and once the muscles are working properly again, my mommy will be back to normal.
It's been a long year. Cancer... shit. I did not ever expect to have to deal with that. Other people got cancer, I knew that, but certainly not anyone in my family, especially my mom.
After the diagnosis, I didn't know what to do with myself... Mom is supposed to take care of ME, not the other way around.
Dad having a slight heart condition I could handle, that I was used to, that was under control. But Mom having cancer!? No way. Can't happen. Cancer is a dirty word. It's a being that comes in and destroys everything it touches and takes away the people it inhabits.
Little did I know...
We were lucky that it was caught relatively early.
We were lucky that Grandpa is a well respected doctor and has connections.
We were lucky that the chemo/radiation shrunk that tumour away to nothing.
We were lucky to have an amazing surgeon.
We were lucky to have tremendous support, from our family, from our town, from our church.
We were lucky.
Cancer isn't an all-devouring beast. It comes in many forms. For some people, cancer will take them away from their loved ones. But for others, there is hope. That is something I wish I knew at the beginning. There is hope.
And you know what? No matter what the outcome, cancer brings people together. Our family became closer than ever. People that Mom had grown apart from came out of the woodwork, bringing cards and flowers and meals and gifts, and most importantly, their presence, letting her know they cared.
As a family we cried, we laughed, we fought, we encouraged, we pitched in. Mom learned that it's okay to take a step back, to ask for help - things she would never do before. The middle sis and I became more present, in spite of not living at home, we made more of an effort to be there. For me, it taught me that if I can get through this crisis, I can get through most anything. The littlest sis, the only child living at home, grew up, a lot. She gracefully dealt with situations that I could have never dealt with at 16. She took care of the house, she accompanied on doctor's visits, she dealt with the outside world when Mom couldn't, she put her own needs aside and became a better person. Dad learned to leave work behind, that business could wait. Never, in my life growing up, had I seen Dad leave the store behind and trust others with his business. Dad also, I think, realized that life is short... not long after this ordeal, he decided to follow his dream of having his own forest and so bought the new property (his new love).
Yeah, cancer sucks ass, but I like to think that there is always a bright side to the crap that happens. Cancer may have ravaged Mom's body, but it also changed all of our lives in a positive way.

Here's the ladies of our family, only weeks before Mom was diagnosed, celebrating middle sis's birthday. From the left we have littlest sis, middle sis, Mom, and myself. If we only knew what was coming...


And here's my beautiful Mom this past Christmas. Here she has gone through a month straight of chemo and radiation, a surgery to remove the affected part of the bowel and insert an ostemy, and she was currently in the middle of 4 months of chemo (1 week a month). Just look at her! She looks incredible! She amazes me with how strong she is.

And so, on Monday, she goes in for more surgery. Minor surgery, just to hook everything back up.
It's minor, I tell myself, it's a happy surgery to fix everything back up. After this, it will be over. Right?
But I still get a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. Not as big as the one I got before her first surgery... but it's still there.
Maybe it's because I don't deal with hospitals well. The waiting while she's being operated on, how sterile everything is, how scary the patients look, Mom... hooked up to tubes and monitors. I'm not looking forward to going through that again. I feel like I already know my way around that hospital way too well. I'm not a person who deal with medical things well... or bodily fluids for that matter. Heck, I shy away from dealing with emotions. That feeling in the bottom of my stomach and the back of my throat is there the entire time I am, and it stays even when I go home at night. I use humour to get through it. I'm the one in the hospital room cracking jokes and goofing off. Voted most likely to get kicked out of the hospital room and be scowled at by nurses.
But, we'll get through it. And you know what, Mom's going to be fine. They'll continue to check on Mom for the next few years to make sure the cancer doesn't come back, but she responded so well to the treatment this time that I am not terribly concerned about that. Mom's a tough cookie. And no matter what, thanks to this fight with cancer, I have hope. You never know what life's going to throw at you, but even with the bad, you can find good.

25 Things

This has been going around Facebook like wildfire. After being tagged a few times, I thought I would avoid doing housework by doing one myself. And, because it makes good blog fodder, here you go, 25 random things about yours truly.

1. My initials spell EEW. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
2. As a kid (okay, until a few years ago) I had an unhealthy obsession with moose. Like, as in the animal.
3. I own movies that I've never watched.
4. I have bought myself a "Ferret Frenzy" calendar every year now for 4 years, we started with World Tour, then it was TV Shows, then At the Movies, and now On Vacation. It's ferrets posed in different scenes, wearing clothes and acting out something, in case you were wondering. For February, they are on a cruise ship, dressed in cruise clothing, one is sitting in a deck chair and the other is looking over the side of the ship.
5. I might just singlehandedly keep Matt & Nat handbags in business. I've lost track of how many I have.
6. At our last vet visit, Thunder Kitty weighed 25 pounds. He is on diet kibble now, but I think it's only called "diet" because it must not taste good, he does not like eating it. I realize this is not at all about me... but the reason he is on diet food is so that the vet doesn't judge me as a bad mother when I bring him in.
7. Since last April, I have watched my mother battle - and beat - bowel cancer. It brought our family close together, and made me realize how amazingly strong and beautiful my mother is.
8. I have been on anti-depressants for my anxiety disorder for over 6 years now, it may not be everyone's best option, but it has worked for me.
9. If given the option, I could easily be completely nocturnal.
10. I loved the Twilight series way more than I will admit to most other people (unless they share the obsession). I feel like a 15 year old girl when I admit that New Moon made me cry.
11. I want to travel the world, but first I need to find someone to do it with me because I'm way too chicken to do it alone.
12. I think Dave Matthews is a genius. I would put my anti-adultery morals aside for him. (Too much info? Sorry guys!)
13. I get stressed out when other people are arguing / not getting along, even if I have nothing to do with it.
14. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I like working at the shelter, but I know it's not forever. I don't ever want to feel bored or unhappy with my job.
15. I have considered getting a tattoo, but I am too scared of commitment and permanence.
16. I can't watch those OSPCA commercials on tv without being tempted to adopt them all. If I had a large piece of land and unlimited funds, I would likely adopt a tonne of abused or abandoned animals.
17. I go through periods where I can't get enough of a certain food, and then all of a sudden I can't stand the thought of it and move on to another food. Current food: eggs.
18. I can't decide if I like Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi better. Lately I've been on a Diet Pepsi kick. I drink way more Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi than I should, but I do not like the non name brand colas, I can taste the difference.
19. I like driving. Not so much in the GTA or on 400-series highways, but on the country highways. However, if I had a choice, I would take the train, I love riding the train.
20. I will always love Kenesserie Camp. I would go back to work there in a heartbeat if it was at all feasible for me. It is the first place that I have ever loved.
21. My sister is in New Zealand right now. I cannot even fathom how far away that is.
22. I miss the camping trips we used to go on as a family. The east coast twice, the west coast, Kentucky, South Carolina, Northern Ontario...
23. I had kidney surgery when I was 3 years old. I have a scar across my side that has grown up with me. If given the choice, I don't think I would want to get it removed. That scar is a part of me now.
24. I can bake, but I cannot cook. I almost always screw it up when I cook.
25. I love board games. Most nights I would rather stay in and play them than go out. I love Cranium and Trivial Pursuit and Monopoly.

If Only...

Weeks ago on Delurking Day, I told my Delurkers that they could ask me any question they want. Well, Ashley over at Turquoise Ribbons had one.

Here's a question for you: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Well, I can tell you that I likely will always live in Ontario. My family is way too important to me to move far away, especially now that Mom's been sick. But we're going to pretend that family ties don't factor in here, nor does work/money. Here's my shortlist:

1) Greece.

St John by nicolas.gr

Watching the movie version of "Mamma Mia!" has left me with an intense desire to live in Greece. Go here to watch my favourite song from "Mamma Mia!" - SOS and check out the background... beautiful! Apparently it was filmed in Skopelos. That picture above, that's a chapel. How amazing is that? I love the idea of living on islands and boating around. And will you look at that water?!

2) Spain.

Roseta by Pablo Germade

I was a History major back in university, and Canada has nowhere near as much history as Europe does. I love beautiful old buildings, and the opportunity to walk on places where the events I read about occured. Spain has the perfect combination of history, a beautiful culture (I have a soft spot for Flamenco dancing), and warm weather (the Mediterranean, oh yeah!)

3) Tortola, B.V.I.

Tortola by turtlepatrol

I've been on two cruises of the Western Caribbean, and on my first cruise, Tortola won my heart. No island I've been to since has compared. Small, friendly, not overly touristy, with historic buildings, surrounded by the beautiful sea. It was perfect!

4) Australia.

Back under the Australian starry nights by El Fotopakismo

This could just be jealousy due to the fact that I am going to drop my sister off at the airport to go there tomorrow, but I would love to go there. I have a slight obsession with "Crocodile Dundee", and readers, if you have not seen Danny Deckchair, get your butts to the video store and rent it immediately, it is one of my fave movies that I can watch over and over again. I find Aussie accents completely charming, and the exoticness/wildness of the country makes me want to go explore it. And the stars are completely different there! I've wanted to see the Southern Cross ever since I heard a story about it as a child at camp. Also, I find the names of landmarks and cities hilarious - Wollongong, anybody?



Well, there you go, readers. Those are the places I would live if I had the option to live anywhere in the world. There seems to be a theme here: warm and not North American.

Thanks, Ashley, for your question!

Readers - do you have any other random questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I will respond!

Life Isn't Fair...

In two days, my sister will be leaving to go to school in Australia for a semester. After a short visit to New Zealand, she will be living in Brisbane. That means she will be here:

Image from here.

While I am stuck here:

Image from here.

Yeah, completely not fair.

On Homes

So, I've known about this for a while, but was bound to secrecy by my family until they began to tell people. Mom and Dad bought a "farm". I say farm, I mean 60-something acres of land about 45 mins from where we live now that has 2 small sections that are cleared for farming and the rest is forest. Dad hasn't been this excited in a long time (if ever...). Here they are on Boxing Day posing with their Sold sign:

My Mom, looking beautiful in spite of having spent the past year battling cancer, and my Dad, looking about as excited as a kid in a candy store, and their "farm". Mid-life crisis much?

It is a pretty large property, with a small section of farm land on either side. There is a creek that runs through it, branching off into a Y shape in the middle. It's a 5 minute drive from a beach on Lake Erie. Over the next couple of years, they plan to bring the trailer out there and spend weekends on the property. Ultimately, but not for a while, they plan to build a house on the property.

I have mixed feelings about this.

Part of me is not pleased. We have lived in our old farm house since I was in grade 2. I'm attached. Mom and Dad have put in a ton of work on the house, and the majority of my childhood memories are there. That house and its location... well, it is home to me. I am fairly attached to it, even to the town we live outside of. I hated that town growing up, but perhaps absence really does make the heart grow fonder, as I feel nostalgic and proud of it now. There was once a time that Mom and Dad planned to live in our house the rest of their lives, in fact, if you had asked me a year ago, I would have been certain that they would never move.

But Dad has always wanted a forest, that is where he is at his happiest. Give Dad walking shoes and his Tilley hat and leave him with the bugs and plants and animals and he will be content. And I think this past year has shown my parents that they have to stop putting off what they want to do. A brush with your own mortality will make you think twice about your priorities in life.

Oh, and the possibilities. I love the idea of it all. Buying a plot of land in the country, designing and building your own house in the middle of the woods... it sounds amazing. We might force him to put in internet and tv, but if Dad had his way he would live as a hermit, completely cut off from the world. I know he dreams about being self-sufficient, off the grid. Mom wants the house to overlook the ravine where the creek runs, and Dad has talked about having a huge glass wall. Their house (in my head) will look like my idea of the Cullen's house in the Twilight book, and the Cullen's house in the movie.

Remember this, anyone?



So, I suppose I'll have to wait and see. What will they do? When will they do it? What will it look like? How will I let go of the house I love now? What's most important, really, is that Mom and Dad are happy. And maybe that they stop mentioning that the forest will be fantastic for their grandchildren to play in.

A Nice Year

Over at Operation NICE they have NICE Assignments from time to time, and I really liked the idea behind this one:

Today's Assignment: Celebrate 2008!
I know how you folks are a bunch o' list-makers out there, so let's try it one last time this year. I want you to make a list of all the wonderful things that you've done or have happened to you in the last 12 months. It could be events you attended or awards you received or priceless moments that will help you recall 2008 with great fondness. Or maybe even silly things that might seem trivial to someone else! (e.g. Buying a Wii is totally on my list!) Either way, the more items, the more smiles you'll find!

Here is my list of 2008:

• Going on a cruise with my family to ring in the New Year - getting to explore Carribbean islands and relax on tropical beaches
• Surviving the bus crash
• Getting close to the fantastic people in my CYW class
• Using tools to make and open drinks with Stace, more than once
• Cousinly weekends with a St Patty's Day parade
• Going to the ROM and taking silly pictures there with Stace
  
• Thunder Kitty's first birthday
• Movie dates with Stace
  
• DMB CONCERT
• Getting to spend time at home in the summer with Mom relaxing on the porch in between camps
• The drives to and from HD camp in the summer, cruising with the windows down and the music up
  
• Finding a placement that I really loved
• Growing closer with my family during tough times
• Weekends with the camp girls - multiple
  
• Nuit Blanche avec Mel
• Starting to blog again and the wonderful new bloggy friends I have met
• My 23rd Birthday and Thanksgiving
  
• MOM BEATING CANCER!!
• The support from my family and friends I have received throughout the cancer ordeal
• The Twilight Saga (nerd alert!)
• Finding the courage to take a shot on the online dating thing
  
• Reuniting with first year roomie
• Spending Christmas with my family
• Finishing my CYW program (with honours, I might add!)
• Getting a job at the placement I loved
• Learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I was
• Feeling that I am kinda sorta grown up, living and working on my own in the big city
• Becoming more self aware and self reflective as well as more self confident
  

I think writing this list was important. The events that have happened this year were pretty sucky at times, so much so that my family and I have been joking that 2008 was pretty much the worst year ever. But even though so pretty major bad things happened, a lot of good things still happened. And, I suppose, if those bad things had to happen, I'm glad they happened the way they did. Not only was it the best possible outcome for all events, but it also showed me that I have family and friends there to always support me, and that I am much stronger than I thought.
So, thanks, 2008, you were tough, but we made it. Here's to an easier 2009, with some things changing and others staying the same. Wait and see I guess!

My Christmas in Photos

I should be unpacking my stuff and tidying my apartment, but instead I'll blog about my Christmas highlights.

I got a new camera, so clearly the first thing I went to do was take pictures of the cat. Everyone loves Thunder Kitty and me photos!

This is our Christmas tree on Christmas Eve after a busy day at the store and the Christmas Eve service. We always open a present each (pajamas) as a family and sit around the tree.


I took a close-up of one of the ornaments I got at 10,000 Villages for my sisters and myself last Christmas. At 10,000 Villages everything is fair trade, it's a pretty cool store.

At Grandma and Grandpa Button's house (Mom's parents), I got to be Santa. The tradition of having one of the grandchildren play Santa started when we were little. We made it all the way through all of the cousins, and the youngest, Maddy, had to do it many many years. When she finally decided that she was sick of it, 3 years ago, Grandma did a random draw to decide who would be Santa, and Jenn (2nd oldest grandchild and 1st oldest unmarried grandchild) got stuck with the job. The next year, Mel, the next oldest, did it, and so this year it was my turn. Grandma asked if I wanted to wear the hat and I replied with something along the lines of heck yes.


On Boxing Day morning, we have lunch at Aunt Christine's and Uncle Richard's. Our oldest cousin and her hubby always come to this part, so now we do our cousin picture there instead of on Christmas Day. Besides the hubby, we only have 1 guy cousin, who I always try to make do things that nobody wants to do using the fact that he is a boy as the reason. This photo was totally my idea.

And finally, on Boxing Day, we go to Aunt Jane and Uncle Mark's house (on my Dad's side). This year, we had a kids' table again for the first time in years - note: kids =14-25. Apparently my sisters and I wear the dark clothes, and Justin is the classy cousin with his mouth full of food.

So, after over a month of waiting, and after selling diamonds at Mom and Dad's store for nearly 2 weeks, I had my traditional family Christmas. It was nice. Not very relaxing, as per usual, but nice all the same. There's always comfort in tradition, I think. No matter how many other things change, some things always stay the same.

The Ghost of Christmas Past

And now a look into my Christmas Past...

Here is me and lil' sister (I have brown hair) in our Christmas dresses made by Mom, with our brand new dolls in their matching dresses, also made by Mom. Pretty sweet, eh? We are also sporting our brand new bright haired dolls that we kept to play with in the bathtub with our mermaids. We're at Grandpa and Grandma's on Christmas Day, and I think maybe the best thing about it is that I currently have that love seat in my apartment, beautiful pattern and all.

I hope you all have a fantastic holiday season, readers, whatever it is that you celebrate. Take some time and remember years past. And please, please cherish the time you have with your loved ones! Nothing lasts forever, so celebrate every moment.

Crazy Day and Favourite Things

I've been pretty much MIA this week, thanks to having to work at my parents' store every day almost. I'll make it up soon, I promise.
Today, for example, I got to shovel the walk at the store... 3 times because it kept snowing in (this is usually Dad's job, but he asked me to do it, this was my first sign that something was up), went with Dad to our doctors appointments (2nd hint, I guess he didn't have it before today), and then had to drive him to the hospital to get a EKG (bam, should have known something was up with his heart). His results came back fine, and he even apologized to me for not telling my earlier that he wasn't feeling well. Parents getting old sucks. I don't like having to be the caretaker when it comes to them. Then I got to run errands all over our snow-filled town for store-related things. At least the store wasn't crazy, the snow made it so hardly anyone came in. Good for the type of day Dad and I had, but bad for the store only 6 days before Christmas. Oh well, can't change the weather, right? Geeze, I hope that update made sense, I'm not certain that I'm fully coherant right now.

Here's this week's Friday 5 - Favourite Things:

1) What’s your favorite thing about the shoes you’re wearing (or the shoes you were most recently wearing)?
I'm not wearing any right now, the last ones I was wearing were my brown winter boots, which have lasted me 3 winters and are super comfy!

2) What’s your favorite thing about the people you work with (or the people you go to school with)?
I like the people I work with at Mom and Dad's store because I've known them all forever and have so much fun with them. I like the co-workers at the shelter because they're fun to be with and they're really good at what they do.

3) What’s your favorite thing about the climate where you live?
I like that the summers don't usually get unbearably hot in the summer, and we get snow around Christmas.

4) What’s your favorite thing about Friday?
I liked Fridays better when I was in school and didn't have to work on Saturdays. Those were good days.

5) What’s your favorite thing about the year coming to an end?
2008 has been a pretty sucky year for my family. To quote the Counting Crows "there's reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last."

Thanks, Eh

Better late than never, eh, America? Thanksgiving already happened in October, sorry you didn't get the memo. But, in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I thought I would discuss some of the things I am most thankful for.

1) I have the best family anyone could ever ask for. Sure, they're a bit crazy sometimes, but they're always there when I need them.
2) The fantastic medical system we have here. The doctors and nurses and other health professionals that have taken care of my Mom the past half-year and helped her to beat cancer. Amazing people. Amazing knowledge and research. Amazing care. Amazingly free.
3) My kitten. He's a beautiful ball of fur who loves me unconditionally. I always have him to go home to at night. I don't know how I would have survived living on my own without him. And sometimes, like last night, he surprises me by cuddling, and I love him even more.
4) Fantastic friends, both old and new. People who love me no matter what, people I can be myself with, people who have helped me through the tough times.
5) How I am so damn lucky. I was born into a loving family with wealth who gave me all sorts of opportunities in life. I've never really had to struggle to do anything I've wanted to. Everything so far in my life has gone relatively smoothly, and seeing what others have had to go through has made me see just how lucky I've been.

So, whether your American or otherwise, I think we should all use this weekend to thank about all of the things in life we are thankful for, and to think about our many blessings instead of taking them for granted.
What are you thankful for?

This May Verge on Ranting...

You know it must be Monday morning when you wake up and have to clean up cat puke from the kitchen floor. Poor guy. Apparently his attempts to destroy the mini Christmas tree I brought back from home with me had him all worked up.
Anyhow, my weekend of relaxing at my parents' house is over and I am back in the big city ready to take on the last 3 weeks of school. I'm trying not to think about all of the things I have to do, so instead I'll share a story from my weekend.
Yesterday, my family went to church to see my sister be part of the service. Mom has only been to church a few times since this whole cancer business began. It's not the religious aspect that has made her stop going, I think, but more the social aspect. I made sure to stick near her yesterday, to be support and a body guard if necessary. They mean well, all of her church friends and acquaintances, but they make it really really hard. One after another they come up to say hi, saying the exact same lines - "it's good to see you" "how are you feeling?" "you're looking well" "how are you doing?" "we've been thinking about you" "you've been in our prayers" - all accompanied by a sympathetic look and a hug or awkward back rub/pat. Mom gave them all back the same well rehearsed lines - "it's good to be seen" "I'm feeling well, it's one of my good weeks" "I'm doing alright" "well, thank you" - what else can she say? They mean well. Trying to give her support and love in the only way they can. But that's really not what she needs... we're trying to make things as normal as possible to get past this, so she doesn't really need a constant barrage of sympathetic looking people who are all "cancer, cancer, cancer" without ever actually saying that dirty word. We know you know she has cancer, it's nice that you want to be supportive, but let's move on please, we don't need to make Mom cry at church. But that's people, right? That's what people do. They mean well, and they're just doing the best they can.

A Vlog!?

It's 20SB's Vlog Day! I've spent my day watching other people's beautiful vlogs, so it was finally time to make my own. Warning: I am awkward and there is no cameo by Thunder Kitty. Here goes! Note: Turn your volume up loud, apparently I talk quietly.

vlog #1 from Erin Walker on Vimeo.

Long Weekend Update

1) Toronto traffic is crazy - especially on the major highways at rush hour(s) on a Friday night of a long weekend. I miss living somewhere that I didn't need to plan my day around when I can drive.

2) Mom looked better than I thought she would. She just finished her first week of chemo. She has 4 weeks total, spread out over 4 months, so one week on, 3 weeks off. Considering that the last time I saw her, she was lying in her hospital bed, pretty much anything is an improvement. She is trying really hard to make things seem normal, but everything is more difficult for her now, even sitting in a chair can be uncomfortable. Everything hurts and she is just so tired. Poor Mom, she really is trying hard.

3) Why I love my Grandparents:
Grandpa: If you were in Turkey, you'd have to wear a "kimona."
Me: Umm... Kimona? I think it's Kimono, and those are Japanese. I think you mean a Hijab or a Burka?
Grandpa: Oh yeah that's right.
Me: I'd look pretty funny wearing a Kimono in Turkey!
Grandma: Well that's okay, they wouldn't know it was you because they could only see your eyes!
Me: Uhhh?

4) I had the most terrible start to my birthday ever. I woke up at 6:00am to use the washroom, and when I got back, my fitted sheet had come off of my bed. I went to put it back on properly and what did I see on my mattress.... MOUSE POOP. Oh my goodness. We live in an old house, so we have had mice in my room before, but we dealt with them a long time ago and thought we had all the holes patched up and therefore there were only mice now in the basement. Guess not. So clearly I was NOT going back to bed after that. And I came down full out with a cold. Gross.

5) When you're feeling crummy and on cold meds and you want to stay as far away from Mom and Grandparents as possible so they don't catch it, you don't really feel like being social at a family gathering. Therefore you feel kind of out of it the whole time, like you haven't really gotten to visit with anybody. Sucky.

6) My littlest cousin is in grade 5, and she really likes to hang out with me and talk to me. She told me about her new love:
Maddy: Do you know who the Jonas Brothers are?
Me: Yup! You like them?
Maddy: Yeah! Nick is my favourite.
Me: Do you have a favourite song by them?
Maddy: No, I don't really like the songs.
Me: Oh, so you just like the boys!
Maddy: Yup, I like Nick best, Joe second, and Kevin last.
Me: Yeah, nobody really likes Kevin do they?
Maddy: No.
On top of her being HILARIOUS, I am glad that I am hip enough to know who the Jonas Brothers are! That's right, I am hip and with it!

Overall, good weekend, nice to be home and see everyone. Would have only been better if I had felt better. So good to be at my old home, but also good to be back at my own home, even though I have a lot to do now that I am back.