Same as it Ever Was

Do you ever stop where you are and wonder how the heck you ended up there?
As in, if somebody had told you a few years back that you would be in that scenario, you would have laughed at them?
I felt like that a lot during Mom's fight with cancer. Sitting in the hospital waiting room during surgery, driving Mom to chemo, dealing with Mom's tubes and wires in her hospital room... I looked at my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the fact that I never expected that I would be there in that situation, and I never expected I would be able to deal with it as well as I did.
I guess you don't know what you can handle until you're in that situation.
I find that a lot at work. When I was visiting Mom in the hospital, I was telling the nurse about my job, and Mom said that if you had told her two years ago I would be living in Toronto working with street youth, she never would have believed it. You know... if you had told me two years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I would have laughed in your face.
It happens a lot at work, especially when I am dealing with the mental health and the crises that develop... when a kid got stabbed, when fights break out, when a girl comes in completely naked and I have to spend at least 10 minutes talking her into getting re-dressed, when I have to deal with bed bugs, and disgusting rooms and various bodily fluids, when I get sworn at, and yelled at, when I get told too much information about their sex lives... I find myself pausing and thinking "how did I get here?" At first, it was unnerving, being somewhere so out of my element, now I just laugh it off.
I'm a sheltered girl from a small town. J-walking scares me... I grew up on a gravel road. Whenever we would go to Toronto on family trips, Dad would lock the car doors before we got into city limits, likely afraid that a man with a squeegee would jump inside and mug as at gunpoint or we'd get shot up in the middle of a gang war. That's what happens in big cities, right? I was discussing how I grew up with one of my co-workers after work the other day, and she turned to look at me, and asked "Erin, how did you end up here?" Now, she knows the story of how I ended up here, my botched plans for teacher's college after university, and we went to our Child and Youth Work program together, so she knows about all of that... That's not what she meant. I told her truthfully that some days I don't even know.
Luck? Chance? Divine intervention? I don't know. Was it meant to be, or did I just luck out by ending up somewhere I like? Maybe it was completely random. If one little factor of my life had gone a different way, I could be living somewhere completely different, doing something completely different.
That scares me a little. I don't like the idea that my life is arbitrarily decided by chance... I'd much rather think that I am here because it's where I'm supposed to be. I like the idea that I've been brought somewhere that frequently forces me to deal with difficult situations, but I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it.
What about you? Do you ever stop and wonder how you ended up where you are? Has your life taken a clear path to where you are today, or has it been a journey of twists and turns? Is it chance and luck, or is there some sort of plan behind the path your life takes?

A Nice Year

Over at Operation NICE they have NICE Assignments from time to time, and I really liked the idea behind this one:

Today's Assignment: Celebrate 2008!
I know how you folks are a bunch o' list-makers out there, so let's try it one last time this year. I want you to make a list of all the wonderful things that you've done or have happened to you in the last 12 months. It could be events you attended or awards you received or priceless moments that will help you recall 2008 with great fondness. Or maybe even silly things that might seem trivial to someone else! (e.g. Buying a Wii is totally on my list!) Either way, the more items, the more smiles you'll find!

Here is my list of 2008:

• Going on a cruise with my family to ring in the New Year - getting to explore Carribbean islands and relax on tropical beaches
• Surviving the bus crash
• Getting close to the fantastic people in my CYW class
• Using tools to make and open drinks with Stace, more than once
• Cousinly weekends with a St Patty's Day parade
• Going to the ROM and taking silly pictures there with Stace
  
• Thunder Kitty's first birthday
• Movie dates with Stace
  
• DMB CONCERT
• Getting to spend time at home in the summer with Mom relaxing on the porch in between camps
• The drives to and from HD camp in the summer, cruising with the windows down and the music up
  
• Finding a placement that I really loved
• Growing closer with my family during tough times
• Weekends with the camp girls - multiple
  
• Nuit Blanche avec Mel
• Starting to blog again and the wonderful new bloggy friends I have met
• My 23rd Birthday and Thanksgiving
  
• MOM BEATING CANCER!!
• The support from my family and friends I have received throughout the cancer ordeal
• The Twilight Saga (nerd alert!)
• Finding the courage to take a shot on the online dating thing
  
• Reuniting with first year roomie
• Spending Christmas with my family
• Finishing my CYW program (with honours, I might add!)
• Getting a job at the placement I loved
• Learning that I am stronger than I ever thought I was
• Feeling that I am kinda sorta grown up, living and working on my own in the big city
• Becoming more self aware and self reflective as well as more self confident
  

I think writing this list was important. The events that have happened this year were pretty sucky at times, so much so that my family and I have been joking that 2008 was pretty much the worst year ever. But even though so pretty major bad things happened, a lot of good things still happened. And, I suppose, if those bad things had to happen, I'm glad they happened the way they did. Not only was it the best possible outcome for all events, but it also showed me that I have family and friends there to always support me, and that I am much stronger than I thought.
So, thanks, 2008, you were tough, but we made it. Here's to an easier 2009, with some things changing and others staying the same. Wait and see I guess!

No More Slacking!

I've been slacking on my blogging this week, thanks to it being the last week of school and therefore crazy busy. It's done now, though, I am officially now a university AND college graduate! BA and CYW... I am getting closer and closer to my goal of having the entire alphabet behind my name. So tonight I get to go celebrate with my friends, and tomorrow I am packing up and heading home to my parents' house to work for them sellin' the bling at their store before Christmas. I love working at the store, I've worked there every Christmas season since I was in grade 11... what is that, going on 8 years now? And I grew up at the store practically. It wouldn't be Christmastime without spending the weeks before it selling jewellery wrapped up in pretty boxes by me. Anyhow, I am back there working again on Monday, and until then plan to be reading Breaking Dawn, because I banned myself from it this week while I tried to get work done, and now my ban is over - sweet!

And now, this week's Friday Five, this week's theme is Not Mine:
1) When did you last sleep in a bed outside your home?
I don't like sleeping at other peoples' houses very often, so it was likely the last time I went home and slept in my room at my parents' house, which doesn't count does it because I consider it home too. Before that... I guess it was camp in the summer?

2) When did you last drive someone else’s car?
I drive my parents' car sometimes when I am home.

3) When did you last cook in someone else’s kitchen?
The other night I made myself food at Sam's house when we were studying.

4) When did you last care for children who aren’t yours?
Umm Wednesday? That's kind of my job.

5) When did you last do someone else’s job?
I am always trying to help out and do what I can for my coworkers, so I guess the work I did at my placements counts, because it's not technically my job.

My Last First Day of School

Such a pretty sunrise almost made it worth leaving my apartment at 6:45. Almost.
I am not a morning person. I never have been and never will be.
But I woke up early and braved the hour trip on the morning rush hour TTC and made it to the youth shelter for my first day of placement.
I think it went well. It's always kind of overwhelming on the first day. We got magnetic cards for the doors and a tour of the huge building and spent what seemed like forever reading policies and procedures. But, everything was really positive and I think it's going to be a good semester.
I'm pretty exhausted after only one day there, though, so the thought of 4 months is a little bit much right now. Time to readjust my sleep schedule.

Back to School

As my youngest sister is the only child still living at home with the parents, but does not have her full driver's license yet, she doesn't get out much. Mom and Dad's place is pretty much in the middle of nowhere, especially when you're 16 years old. So, whenever I come to visit, I take her shopping. Mom and Dad don't have time or energy to take her out anymore, and I might feel a tad bit guilty that she is stuck at home during her teenage years by herself at home.
Today, I took the little one back to school shopping. I can now understand why Mom always hated taking us back to school shopping. There are mothers and children everywhere, most of them arguing about the brands of school supplies they are allowed to get. The aisles are lined with boxes full of colourful school supplies, everything you could possibly ever need and more, half of which have been knocked onto the floor, so that between the supplies on the floor and the children standing around in the middle of the aisle it's nearly impossible to get your cart through. And then, when you have something to say to the student that you're shopping with, they've wandered off and you're talking to a random sullen-looking teen with her arms full of pens and binders who is giving you a rather pissed off look for even thinking you could talk to her. You then get to give your opinion on what type of pencil looks the best and what kind of binder will work the best for her course schedule and wait around while she decides what will work for her, and at the end you get to shell out the money for over-priced school supplies you most likely will never see again. No wonder Mom hated it.
I'm a little sad that I don't get to have a "back to school" this year, though. I always used to love getting all of the new supplies. It was a chance to start out fresh, you never knew what the upcoming year would hold, but there was always a promise of change - brand new classes that you would meet new people in, and you could guarentee it wouldn't be like last year.
This is my last new semester - for this diploma at least. But with only two classes and having been in school all summer, it's not really a new school beginning. Placement on the otherhand, is an entirely new beginning, and I have really high hopes for this one. I've learned from the last one and grew a lot and know what I need to do at the new one. It's on. This is my September new beginning.