Happy Mother's Day

Here's Mommy and Me...
Now:


And then:




Happy Mother's Day to my strong and beautiful mother, who has shown me by example how to overcome life's challenges with grace and good humour.

Maybe Next Time...

Well, I didn't get either of the full-time positions. They hired a guy who used to work full-time there before he went to school (not a big surprise, males are like gold in my field), and, in a surprise move, they hired a fairly new girl for the other position.
The guy I understand. But the new girl?? She's still learning the job, meanwhile, there were several of us who already know the job who also applied. I mean, I trained for free as a student from September until December, and I've been working there since January - I think I am more qualified for the position than someone who only started a few months ago.
But, as per usual, they told me to keep applying and something will come. They told me that I am well liked by all of the supervisors and management and that there are always new spots opening. Some of the other full-time staff were surprised that I didn't get it, one was even right pissed off, which feels good, I mean, if the full-time staff think I should be full-time, it's a good sign right?
But this was my second time applying for full time. I know one of the staff had to apply for it 4 times before she got it. How long do I keep doing this before I give up and apply to other jobs? I really like my workplace. I really like my clients (some more than others, obviously). I really like the work that we do there. I really really like my co-workers. I don't really want to work somewhere else. But eventually I have to get serious, right? Sooner or later I am going to need to grow up and get a full-time job, right?
For now, though, I think I'll wait it out. I should at least get a second job, but I don't really want to. I mean, I'm young, fresh out of school - if I can't slack off now, when can I?

Should Have Known Better

By 23, there are things I should know better, especially when it comes to my body. I should know how it works and how it reacts to certain things, I shouldn't end up spending the night in the hospital because of something I should know better.
Here's how it went down.
Friday morning, I get a text from one of my BFFs, asking if I wanted to go for drinks. She's had a tough week, and she also wanted to check in with me, because last weekend I found out that one of my clients passed away. So out we went, it was a beautiful Friday night and we found a pub on Bloor St. where the front windows opened garage-door style. We got a table right near the street, so we drank and ate and talked and people-watched for hours until the guy she is seeing showed up. At that point, I was already tipsy. I don't drink too much and I am on medication that lowers my alcohol tolerance, so I have a really low tolerance. So, when the boy showed up, I was already tipsy, and he then proceeded to order us drinks and shots. We made friends with the couple at the table next to us, and generally had a really good time. I usually keep myself sober enough to take transit home, because I live an hour's ride by transit away from downtown. That night, I knew that taking transit by myself would be a bad idea. I have never been that drunk before in my life. I texted friends on the way home to keep myself from passing out. I finally made it home, puked a few times, took a gravol and stumbled into my bed.
Now, I should explain why this is an extra bad idea for me. We believe that I have what's called Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. I've had this since I was a young teen, the first time I remember it happening was in grade 10. Often it comes when I am nervous or stressed out, it has happened before when I've eaten foods that disagree with me as well. It's never happened before because of drinking, mostly because I usually keep myself in check. Basically, what happens is that I start throwing up, usually early morning, and I keep throwing up, for hours and hours, even when there isn't anything left in my stomach to throw up. It turns into dry heaving and I heave and heave for hours upon hours. Once before, I had to go to the hospital, but usually my Grandpa (a doctor) orders me a perscription of injectable gravol that Mom (a former nurse) gives to me. After an injection or two of gravol, I usually calm down and am able to stop puking, but it can take me days to really recover, because it wears me out. It hasn't happened now for almost 2 years, and it has never happened when I am so far away from home.
I woke up at 8:00 on Saturday morning and the vomiting started. Luckily, I have a cousin who lives in the same city and has helped me deal with the vomiting before, and she was able to come over and help nurse me. I don't think I could have made it through this on my own. By 6 at night, I was still vomiting and not able to keep anything inside of me, so we decided I had to go to the hospital. After what seemed like forever, I was admitted and given fluids and 3 bags of anti-nauseants before I settled down. By 5am, I was feeling better and able to keep fluids down, so my cousin took me home.
We slept all day today, with me waking up to call in to work and every once in a while drink some ginger ale and eat some crackers. My cousin went home late afternoon, and since then I've been home alone, nursing fluids and trying to make myself eat regularly.
Usually I love living by myself, but when I get sick, I hate it. I get so terribly home sick. I hate having to bother friends to come over to help me, but at the same time, I can hardly take care of myself.
But, I should have known better. I need to remember that I am not invincible and that I cannot possibly drink that much, especially when I live by myself and have no one to take care of me.
I am feeling better now, but I not only missed an incredibly beautiful weekend, I missed 2 days of work so far, and I had to cancel my interview for full-time at the shelter. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

All These Things That I've Done

I've now seen this on fab obsessed and apartment #412, etc and decided to do it myself. I made all of the things I've done on the list purple. And all the things I want to do are blue.
Enjoy!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld/Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you were not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been laid off from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

From Darkness to Light

First Dawn by traqair57

It's Easter weekend. I made sure to book it off work, and today I made the 4 hour drive home to my parents' house. This is what I've done every year since I moved out, and this is what I will continue to do, like until my life changes in some major way. Every Easter weekend, our whole family gets together (this year we will be short one, due to the sister being in Oz). My Dad's side of the family always has some sort of big dinner, this year is actually the first in my memory that we're not having it at our house - we're going to our aunt and uncle's house because Mom is still recovering from her surgery and seeing as she is going to have a complete recovery from cancer we're encouraging her to milk it while she can. Holiday weekends (Thanksgiving and Easter) are usually pretty stressful in my family, because Mom becomes a giant stress-ball trying to make sure everything is perfect before the family comes over, so this year of cancer treatments has provided a nice break from the stresses of family entertaining at least.
On Easter weekend, we also always have an Easter egg hunt (although Mom stopped this tradition last year, stating that we were too old, and just gave us chocolates in our baskets instead). It's going to be weird celebrating Easter without the middle sister... she was the one who always divided up the Easter eggs to make sure that everyone got an equal amount of foil-wrapped chocolates. But, I suppose, the traditions have to change at some point, and not everyone's going to be able to come to every holiday always.
After the egg hunt, we go to church for an Easter Sunday service that always manages to make me teary. It starts with the entire sanctuary in darkness, all of the normal things like banners, candelabras and floral arrangements are covered in black cloths, and at the front of the church is the large wooden cross we use to light candles on for lent, all of the candles are extinguished, and the cross has black cloths on it as well. Then, someone comes in and lights the Christ candle and others come in and take away the black cloths, still others light the rest of the candles in the sanctuary, and kids from the Sunday School come in with pots and pots of spring flowers to place around the foot of the cross. For us, this symbolizes the darkness that came when Jesus was crucified and the light that followed when He was found risen. Theology aside, I think it's a really nice sentiment. Spring is a time of light after the darkness of winter, so it is a time to start new, to turn mourning into dancing, so to speak.
After a year of dealing with Mom's cancer, I am ready to put it behind me, to move from darkness to light, from mourning to dancing. I am ready to start fresh and focus on me for a bit.
What do y'all do for Easter? Do you celebrate it even? Maybe Passover? What traditions do you have? What ideas do you place behind it? What does that mean for you, and for your family?

Same as it Ever Was

Do you ever stop where you are and wonder how the heck you ended up there?
As in, if somebody had told you a few years back that you would be in that scenario, you would have laughed at them?
I felt like that a lot during Mom's fight with cancer. Sitting in the hospital waiting room during surgery, driving Mom to chemo, dealing with Mom's tubes and wires in her hospital room... I looked at my surroundings and was overwhelmed by the fact that I never expected that I would be there in that situation, and I never expected I would be able to deal with it as well as I did.
I guess you don't know what you can handle until you're in that situation.
I find that a lot at work. When I was visiting Mom in the hospital, I was telling the nurse about my job, and Mom said that if you had told her two years ago I would be living in Toronto working with street youth, she never would have believed it. You know... if you had told me two years ago that this is what I'd be doing, I would have laughed in your face.
It happens a lot at work, especially when I am dealing with the mental health and the crises that develop... when a kid got stabbed, when fights break out, when a girl comes in completely naked and I have to spend at least 10 minutes talking her into getting re-dressed, when I have to deal with bed bugs, and disgusting rooms and various bodily fluids, when I get sworn at, and yelled at, when I get told too much information about their sex lives... I find myself pausing and thinking "how did I get here?" At first, it was unnerving, being somewhere so out of my element, now I just laugh it off.
I'm a sheltered girl from a small town. J-walking scares me... I grew up on a gravel road. Whenever we would go to Toronto on family trips, Dad would lock the car doors before we got into city limits, likely afraid that a man with a squeegee would jump inside and mug as at gunpoint or we'd get shot up in the middle of a gang war. That's what happens in big cities, right? I was discussing how I grew up with one of my co-workers after work the other day, and she turned to look at me, and asked "Erin, how did you end up here?" Now, she knows the story of how I ended up here, my botched plans for teacher's college after university, and we went to our Child and Youth Work program together, so she knows about all of that... That's not what she meant. I told her truthfully that some days I don't even know.
Luck? Chance? Divine intervention? I don't know. Was it meant to be, or did I just luck out by ending up somewhere I like? Maybe it was completely random. If one little factor of my life had gone a different way, I could be living somewhere completely different, doing something completely different.
That scares me a little. I don't like the idea that my life is arbitrarily decided by chance... I'd much rather think that I am here because it's where I'm supposed to be. I like the idea that I've been brought somewhere that frequently forces me to deal with difficult situations, but I wouldn't be there if I couldn't handle it.
What about you? Do you ever stop and wonder how you ended up where you are? Has your life taken a clear path to where you are today, or has it been a journey of twists and turns? Is it chance and luck, or is there some sort of plan behind the path your life takes?

My Beef with the Interwebz

I love the interwebz, you know I do.
But sometimes, internet, you give me way too much information.
I'm looking at you, Facebook.
Let's think about this: if it is listed that you dated a person in the "How do you know each other" section, it's not a nice thing to broadcast it on the front page for days when that person gets engaged.
Although it was nice to hear that he has found a nice girl to marry, I don't need it rubbed in my face for days, Facebook.
Actually, that's a lie. I don't want to hear that he is engaged at all.
Part of me wants to go through my Facebook and severely edit the people I am "friends" with. The other part of me knows that I have certain people on there because I am curious to see what they are up to without having to go to the trouble of pursuing a real-life relationship.
But there are some things I don't want to know about.
I can't help but wonder where the line is. When does the internet or social media go from helpful to harmful? How much internet/social media is too much? When do you get overexposed?

Recap

So life has been busy lately, thus I've been MIA from the blogging world. Here's what's new with me:

• Mom's surgery went really well. She had it on Monday and was okay to go home on Thursday! Her nurses were fantastic and everything went really smoothly. I am unbelievably relieved that this is finally over.
• I've been working overnights. I expect it will be a while before I have a normal sleep schedule again. We have been short staffed the past 2 nights, so I have been stationed by myself at the main desk of the shelter, which I love. When there are no new intakes and all of my work is done, I get to chill with a snack, listen to some Dave Matthews, and read or play around on the internet while everyone else sleeps.
  
• I bought the first book in the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris, it's the book that True Blood is based on. I am almost through it already and I loved it! I went to Chapters tonight and bought the next 3 in the series.
• Maurice the turtle is living at my apartment now! The cat hasn't tried to kill him yet, so all is well! He likes staring at me while I do stuff around the apartment, he's funny! I will introduce you properly soon.
  
• My littlest sister is on a March Break school trip to Spain and Italy right now. The middle sister is still in Australia. I am stuck in Toronto... and slowly going stir crazy.
• BUT, I got a ticket to see the Dave Matthews Band in June! I'm crazy excited, especially because their new CD comes out only days before. However, the crappy part is that I'm going with 2 other friends, and Ticketmaster wouldn't allow us to puchase more than 2 tickets together for inside the pavilion, so I am sitting one section over from my two friends... here's hoping we can sweet talk the people around us to let us all sit together...
  
• I started a Tumblr, because I clearly need to spend more time on the internet. It's Tumbling Down the Rabbit Hole, go follow me!
• Oh! How Lovely! Shops is giving away a set of bodhicitta Recycled Glasses, very cool! Go enter!
  

Update

This is Mom and me. I love this photo.

The surgery went without a hitch today, and Mom seems to be doing well. The doctor seemed very optimistic that she could be out by the weekend as long as things are moving well, he wants her up and walking around tomorrow. She was really doped up tonight, which was likely a good thing. Mom grew up with the woman who is the head of pain management for the hospital and went to nursing school with her, so she's being taken care of. I will likely be going up to visit tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday - mostly to give her and Dad a break from each other and to make sure Dad is taking care of himself.

Thanks to all of you for your support and positive thoughts and good wishes, it means so much to me!

Unpacking the Insecurities

Sometimes I think you just need to rant and get it all out, tonight is one of those nights. So here goes. Saying it's scary to have this out there is the understatement of the year...

I'm usually at least outwardly confident in regards to my relationship status. I joke with my family about my plans to be a crazy cat lady, an old maid. I groan that there may in fact be cobwebs filling up my lady parts. When someone asks, I say I just haven't met anyone I'm interested in being with, nobody I like enough to spend large amounts of time with. I shrug and mutter that I'm sure he'll show up someday.
When it's just me, though, and I get to thinking about it, the insecurities take over.
I mean, I'm 23 years old. I've only ever had one official boyfriend... and that was almost 5 years ago. 5 years. Even I know that's not normal. 5 years and not even the slightest hint of interest or action... well, other than creepers in the alley, which does not count.
Not normal at all. Those insecurities start to tug at me, what's so wrong with me that only alley creepers are interested in me? I mean, I'm not completely repulsive, I'm generally a nice person too, am I emitting some sort of "men, stay the hell away" signal?!?
I am introverted. I know that. I generally like spending time alone, so being single isn't completely terrible. I like being able to come home at night to the cat waiting for me in a quiet apartment.
Just me, and that's okay.
But it's not always okay.
I'm tired of being the odd one out. I'm tired of always being second choice. I want to be somebody's number one for once, the first one they call, the one they would rather be with. I don't think I've ever been somebody's number one.
I want a partner in crime, someone to have adventures with, someone to share my day with.
Unfortunately (or, maybe fortunately) the cat doesn't respond when I talk to him.
I wonder if part of the problem is the fear. The fear of taking a risk, of trusting someone, of new things, of new people, of communicating with someone on a real deep level, of being hurt again. I don't like uncertainties, and it takes me a long time to even build friendships with new people. I clam up. Don't tell them the stuff inside of you because they're going to judge you. I am very rarely uncensored, even around my closest friends.
And I'm picky. I've always maintained that it is a good thing to be picky. You should NOT lower your standards for anyone, I've proclaimed. But maybe my pickiness holds me back. That's what my Mom always says when I am too picky to eat foods. "Try it, you'll like it." She's been crooning that statement to me in a singsongy voice for as long as I can remember.
I am so worried about people judging me too quickly, yet I am fast to judge others.
But I suppose that pickiness has really only been applied recently to online dating. You can't be picky when there's nothing in real life to be picky about.
And so, for now, I guess I'll just pack up the insecurities, suck it up, and be happy with being second choice. He'll come along someday, right? Good thing cats have relatively long life expectancies.

Cancer-schmancer

Mom's surgery is on Monday.
This will be it. The end of the battle (hopefully).
The doctor will take away Oscar Ostomy (that's right, she named her Ostomy) and hook everything back up and once the muscles are working properly again, my mommy will be back to normal.
It's been a long year. Cancer... shit. I did not ever expect to have to deal with that. Other people got cancer, I knew that, but certainly not anyone in my family, especially my mom.
After the diagnosis, I didn't know what to do with myself... Mom is supposed to take care of ME, not the other way around.
Dad having a slight heart condition I could handle, that I was used to, that was under control. But Mom having cancer!? No way. Can't happen. Cancer is a dirty word. It's a being that comes in and destroys everything it touches and takes away the people it inhabits.
Little did I know...
We were lucky that it was caught relatively early.
We were lucky that Grandpa is a well respected doctor and has connections.
We were lucky that the chemo/radiation shrunk that tumour away to nothing.
We were lucky to have an amazing surgeon.
We were lucky to have tremendous support, from our family, from our town, from our church.
We were lucky.
Cancer isn't an all-devouring beast. It comes in many forms. For some people, cancer will take them away from their loved ones. But for others, there is hope. That is something I wish I knew at the beginning. There is hope.
And you know what? No matter what the outcome, cancer brings people together. Our family became closer than ever. People that Mom had grown apart from came out of the woodwork, bringing cards and flowers and meals and gifts, and most importantly, their presence, letting her know they cared.
As a family we cried, we laughed, we fought, we encouraged, we pitched in. Mom learned that it's okay to take a step back, to ask for help - things she would never do before. The middle sis and I became more present, in spite of not living at home, we made more of an effort to be there. For me, it taught me that if I can get through this crisis, I can get through most anything. The littlest sis, the only child living at home, grew up, a lot. She gracefully dealt with situations that I could have never dealt with at 16. She took care of the house, she accompanied on doctor's visits, she dealt with the outside world when Mom couldn't, she put her own needs aside and became a better person. Dad learned to leave work behind, that business could wait. Never, in my life growing up, had I seen Dad leave the store behind and trust others with his business. Dad also, I think, realized that life is short... not long after this ordeal, he decided to follow his dream of having his own forest and so bought the new property (his new love).
Yeah, cancer sucks ass, but I like to think that there is always a bright side to the crap that happens. Cancer may have ravaged Mom's body, but it also changed all of our lives in a positive way.

Here's the ladies of our family, only weeks before Mom was diagnosed, celebrating middle sis's birthday. From the left we have littlest sis, middle sis, Mom, and myself. If we only knew what was coming...


And here's my beautiful Mom this past Christmas. Here she has gone through a month straight of chemo and radiation, a surgery to remove the affected part of the bowel and insert an ostemy, and she was currently in the middle of 4 months of chemo (1 week a month). Just look at her! She looks incredible! She amazes me with how strong she is.

And so, on Monday, she goes in for more surgery. Minor surgery, just to hook everything back up.
It's minor, I tell myself, it's a happy surgery to fix everything back up. After this, it will be over. Right?
But I still get a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about it. Not as big as the one I got before her first surgery... but it's still there.
Maybe it's because I don't deal with hospitals well. The waiting while she's being operated on, how sterile everything is, how scary the patients look, Mom... hooked up to tubes and monitors. I'm not looking forward to going through that again. I feel like I already know my way around that hospital way too well. I'm not a person who deal with medical things well... or bodily fluids for that matter. Heck, I shy away from dealing with emotions. That feeling in the bottom of my stomach and the back of my throat is there the entire time I am, and it stays even when I go home at night. I use humour to get through it. I'm the one in the hospital room cracking jokes and goofing off. Voted most likely to get kicked out of the hospital room and be scowled at by nurses.
But, we'll get through it. And you know what, Mom's going to be fine. They'll continue to check on Mom for the next few years to make sure the cancer doesn't come back, but she responded so well to the treatment this time that I am not terribly concerned about that. Mom's a tough cookie. And no matter what, thanks to this fight with cancer, I have hope. You never know what life's going to throw at you, but even with the bad, you can find good.

The Point of the Composition

Over at Treasuing, I saw this video posted. I love it enough to post it here for you guys. Please take a few minutes to watch it, it's adorable and it has a fantastic message.

What I've Been Up To

I've been MIA all week, it's been a busy week and I've been sick with a cold. Here's a bit of an update:

• Mom called on Monday to let me know that she just found out that her surgery (originally scheduled for Monday March 2nd) had been bumped back a week. I was disgruntled because I had booked time off of work to go home this weekend and spend the week with her to help out. Also, I think we were all a little bummed because we just want to get this over with. This surgery will take out her ostomy and hook her bowels back up properly, which means it's the end of our journey with cancer. I know, it hasn't even been a year yet and we're lucky it's gone as fast and as well as it has... but we're all just ready to get everything back to normal and move on with our lives. But we knew it would likely happen, and hopefully the fact that Mom's surgery was bumped means that someone else just starting their journey with cancer treatment can get theirs over with as fast as possible.
  
• My sister seems to be having a fantastic time in Australia, and I am super jealous. Since she left New Zealand and arrived in Australia, she's been snorkeling and scuba diving at the Great Barrier Reef, in a rain forest, and surfing and kayaking on the ocean. In other news, I want to go on vacation SO badly.
• The Dave Matthews Band announced more tour dates - INCLUDING TORONTO! So on March 14th I will be buying tickets to go see them at the Molson Amphitheater on June 9th. SO exciting! Also, they announced the title of their new album: Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King - which is set to come out June 2nd!
• In other music news, I am going to see Craig Cardiff next weekend in Guelph! And tickets were only $10!! I've wanted to see this guy for years! Of course, going with the camp ladies should make it awesome!
• My friend signed up for a meat pie eating contest at a pub a few weeks ago, and the contest was last night. I went as her coach/cheering section and we were SO into it, complete with smack talking the other contestant we knew, pre-contest stretching, and, of course, costumes! There were 2 heats of 5 people, and the top two from each heat went into the finals, oh, yeah, and you couldn't use your hands (a nice bit of info we found out right before the contest). No one else had costumes. My friend actually got 3rd place, and most of her competetors were much larger guys! I was SO impressed! Here we are getting pumped up - check out the awesome shirts that she thought up and I made:

Alright, that's my update for now. I'll keep you posted! (haha I thought that was a funny pun!)

The Letter N

Lindsay over at Adventures of a Book Thief made a list of 10 things she liked that start with the letter m, and gave me the letter n for mine.
Leave a comment if you want me to give you a random letter for a meme of your own!


1- Night - I am almost entirely nocturnal if given the option, I would much rather sleep all day and stay up all night.
2- Neverland - Not the Michael Jackson place. Peter Pan is one of my favourite books ever, and the newer live version of it is one of my favourite movies. I would love to live in Neverland with the pirates and mermaids and Indians, and never have to grow up.
3- Nosferatu - Basically synonymous with "vampire". I have had a healthy obsession with vampires for years now, much before the Twilight Saga came out, I read Companions in the Night and Dracula and dreamed of running with the vampires.
4- North - I live in the Great White North, and I really do like it here, though I am not technically all that nothern, as I was born about an hour away from Canada's Southernmost Point (Point Pelee and Pelee Island, in case you were wondering), so technically I have spent most of my life more south than most of Canada and some of the US.
5- Narwhal - What a freaking cool animal. It's got a freaking unicorn horn, do I need to say more?
6- Ned from Pushing Daisies - He's completely adorable! Ned could bring me back from the dead and solve mysteries with me any day.
7- North by Northwest - A Hitchcock classic with Cary Grant. Action packed and full of lines such as: "You're a big girl in all the right places", you can't go wrong.
8- Nano - As in, my iPod 3G Nano. I rarely go anywhere without it. It gets me through my hour commutes to and from work.
9- Nerds - The candies! I especially love the green and yellow ones, in sour and normal.
10- Number 36 - The Dave Matthews Band song. Here, Wikipedia tells us a bit about it's history:

Four days after his assassination, the rock group Dave Matthews Band (whose lead singer and guitarist, >Dave Matthews, is from South Africa) began playing a song, #36, to honour Hani. A live favorite for years, the music evolved into the basic foundation of the 2001 single, Everyday. The Introduction to the popular hit "Everyday" starts with the crowd singing "Honey, Honey, come and dance with me", and the crowd and band occasionally use the reprise as an outro to the song as well. (It was originally written as "Hani, Hani, come and dance with me," but Matthews believed the song to be too cheery with those lyrics, so he changed it.)

Here you can watch it:

All this breathing in, never breathing out...

Hey! Remember when I told y'all I was going to see Ben Folds?
Well, I did! Last night!!


That guy! Yeah! I think he's a hottie. I had a big plan that involved getting close enough to pet him... heavily. But it was packed up close to the stage and I figured that heavily petting Ben Folds might get me kicked out and/or arrested, so I decided I would be better off enjoying the show.

Here we are, waiting in anticipation... there were two openers, a band called Miniature Tigers and an acapella choir from York University that did amazing versions of Ben Folds' "Underground", a Sarah Slean song, and "Don't Stop Believing." Beforehand he played some "bad spa music" due to his interview on CBC radio earlier in the day and the controversy that has follwed it.
And after what seemed like FOREVER, Ben came! These are MY pictures, which explains why they are kind of crappy, and you can see the head of the stupidly tall guy who was RIGHT in my way, but still, it's Ben Folds.



He sang sooooo many songs that I love. I mean, it's hard not to love any Ben Folds song, but he sang a lot of the oldies - Landed (my fave Ben Folds song EVER), Army, Philosophy, Zak and Sara, Kate, Annie Waits, Fair, etc. He also did quite a few of the songs from his new album, which are awesome, like You Don't Know Me, Bitch Went Nuts, Dr. Yang, Kylie from Connecticut, Hiroshima, Effington... I could go on.
He's an incredible live performer! He does amazing things with that piano, he takes audience requests, he interacts with the audience, he got us involved in singing parts... I don't even know what else to say, it was just plain awesome.
If you're even a little bit of a Ben Folds fan, I'd recommend you go see him live ASAP

Self Love

I found this over at Sizzle Says and I think it's an awesome idea. If you don't have a significant other this Valentine's Day, and even if you do, I think it's important to take this day celebrating love and use it to remember to love yourself. Here's what you've gotta do:

1.) You’re gonna grab yourself a banner. If you don’t like the one I’ve used in this post, you can find another one here.

2.) You’re gonna post that banner and then tell us all something that you really like love about yourself (thus, the “self-love” portion of our program).

3.) Ask or beg your readers to post one thing that they too love about you!!! If your blog friends are nice, you shouldn’t have to beg…much.

And here we go with my self-love part:
I love my ability to love others. I love taking care of people and things, and usually I'm pretty good at understanding what others are thinking and feeling and anticipating what they need. I think that's something that I'm good at, and I love that I finally know what I really do well, as I spent so many years in school being good at every subject but not really excelling in anything in particular. That ability is what I love about me.

And now it's your turn:
YOU are supposed to tell me what YOU love about ME. Awkward, yeah, especially if I don't get any comments. Come on guys, you've gotta comment, please, I'll develop a complex!

So Happy Valentine's Day, y'all, and remember to love yourself as well this holiday and every day.

Kitteh Love

We had another cat photoshoot at my apartment tonight! Then I dressed the photos up using Poladroid. I am aware that I am just a few cat photoshoots and a few boyfriendless years away from crazy cat lady-dom. But will you just look at how cute he is!?

25 Things

This has been going around Facebook like wildfire. After being tagged a few times, I thought I would avoid doing housework by doing one myself. And, because it makes good blog fodder, here you go, 25 random things about yours truly.

1. My initials spell EEW. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
2. As a kid (okay, until a few years ago) I had an unhealthy obsession with moose. Like, as in the animal.
3. I own movies that I've never watched.
4. I have bought myself a "Ferret Frenzy" calendar every year now for 4 years, we started with World Tour, then it was TV Shows, then At the Movies, and now On Vacation. It's ferrets posed in different scenes, wearing clothes and acting out something, in case you were wondering. For February, they are on a cruise ship, dressed in cruise clothing, one is sitting in a deck chair and the other is looking over the side of the ship.
5. I might just singlehandedly keep Matt & Nat handbags in business. I've lost track of how many I have.
6. At our last vet visit, Thunder Kitty weighed 25 pounds. He is on diet kibble now, but I think it's only called "diet" because it must not taste good, he does not like eating it. I realize this is not at all about me... but the reason he is on diet food is so that the vet doesn't judge me as a bad mother when I bring him in.
7. Since last April, I have watched my mother battle - and beat - bowel cancer. It brought our family close together, and made me realize how amazingly strong and beautiful my mother is.
8. I have been on anti-depressants for my anxiety disorder for over 6 years now, it may not be everyone's best option, but it has worked for me.
9. If given the option, I could easily be completely nocturnal.
10. I loved the Twilight series way more than I will admit to most other people (unless they share the obsession). I feel like a 15 year old girl when I admit that New Moon made me cry.
11. I want to travel the world, but first I need to find someone to do it with me because I'm way too chicken to do it alone.
12. I think Dave Matthews is a genius. I would put my anti-adultery morals aside for him. (Too much info? Sorry guys!)
13. I get stressed out when other people are arguing / not getting along, even if I have nothing to do with it.
14. I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I like working at the shelter, but I know it's not forever. I don't ever want to feel bored or unhappy with my job.
15. I have considered getting a tattoo, but I am too scared of commitment and permanence.
16. I can't watch those OSPCA commercials on tv without being tempted to adopt them all. If I had a large piece of land and unlimited funds, I would likely adopt a tonne of abused or abandoned animals.
17. I go through periods where I can't get enough of a certain food, and then all of a sudden I can't stand the thought of it and move on to another food. Current food: eggs.
18. I can't decide if I like Diet Coke or Diet Pepsi better. Lately I've been on a Diet Pepsi kick. I drink way more Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi than I should, but I do not like the non name brand colas, I can taste the difference.
19. I like driving. Not so much in the GTA or on 400-series highways, but on the country highways. However, if I had a choice, I would take the train, I love riding the train.
20. I will always love Kenesserie Camp. I would go back to work there in a heartbeat if it was at all feasible for me. It is the first place that I have ever loved.
21. My sister is in New Zealand right now. I cannot even fathom how far away that is.
22. I miss the camping trips we used to go on as a family. The east coast twice, the west coast, Kentucky, South Carolina, Northern Ontario...
23. I had kidney surgery when I was 3 years old. I have a scar across my side that has grown up with me. If given the choice, I don't think I would want to get it removed. That scar is a part of me now.
24. I can bake, but I cannot cook. I almost always screw it up when I cook.
25. I love board games. Most nights I would rather stay in and play them than go out. I love Cranium and Trivial Pursuit and Monopoly.

If Only...

Weeks ago on Delurking Day, I told my Delurkers that they could ask me any question they want. Well, Ashley over at Turquoise Ribbons had one.

Here's a question for you: If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?

Well, I can tell you that I likely will always live in Ontario. My family is way too important to me to move far away, especially now that Mom's been sick. But we're going to pretend that family ties don't factor in here, nor does work/money. Here's my shortlist:

1) Greece.

St John by nicolas.gr

Watching the movie version of "Mamma Mia!" has left me with an intense desire to live in Greece. Go here to watch my favourite song from "Mamma Mia!" - SOS and check out the background... beautiful! Apparently it was filmed in Skopelos. That picture above, that's a chapel. How amazing is that? I love the idea of living on islands and boating around. And will you look at that water?!

2) Spain.

Roseta by Pablo Germade

I was a History major back in university, and Canada has nowhere near as much history as Europe does. I love beautiful old buildings, and the opportunity to walk on places where the events I read about occured. Spain has the perfect combination of history, a beautiful culture (I have a soft spot for Flamenco dancing), and warm weather (the Mediterranean, oh yeah!)

3) Tortola, B.V.I.

Tortola by turtlepatrol

I've been on two cruises of the Western Caribbean, and on my first cruise, Tortola won my heart. No island I've been to since has compared. Small, friendly, not overly touristy, with historic buildings, surrounded by the beautiful sea. It was perfect!

4) Australia.

Back under the Australian starry nights by El Fotopakismo

This could just be jealousy due to the fact that I am going to drop my sister off at the airport to go there tomorrow, but I would love to go there. I have a slight obsession with "Crocodile Dundee", and readers, if you have not seen Danny Deckchair, get your butts to the video store and rent it immediately, it is one of my fave movies that I can watch over and over again. I find Aussie accents completely charming, and the exoticness/wildness of the country makes me want to go explore it. And the stars are completely different there! I've wanted to see the Southern Cross ever since I heard a story about it as a child at camp. Also, I find the names of landmarks and cities hilarious - Wollongong, anybody?



Well, there you go, readers. Those are the places I would live if I had the option to live anywhere in the world. There seems to be a theme here: warm and not North American.

Thanks, Ashley, for your question!

Readers - do you have any other random questions for me? Leave them in the comments and I will respond!

Life Isn't Fair...

In two days, my sister will be leaving to go to school in Australia for a semester. After a short visit to New Zealand, she will be living in Brisbane. That means she will be here:

Image from here.

While I am stuck here:

Image from here.

Yeah, completely not fair.